


Smoke & Suga

by 0dd_Phoenix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Cunnilingus, Cute, Declarations Of Love, Dorms, Drug Dealing, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love, Marijuana, Missionary Position, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Partying, Protective Siblings, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn, Smoking, Unprotected Sex, oui'd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0dd_Phoenix/pseuds/0dd_Phoenix
Summary: University is the chance for new experiences, new friends, new challenges—The fresh start that you were hoping for.What you didn’t expect was newfound romance with someone that you thought you’d never see again.Plug Suga x F! Reader
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	1. A Not So Fresh Face

**Author's Note:**

> Plug Sugawara Koushi x Reader
> 
> I remember reading about this idea somewhere, and everyone believed that Suga would be the sweetest plug on earth.  
> So here’s my take on that, with a sprinkling of angst, mutual pining and potential fluff :]
> 
> TW: Drug use

A red solo cup was shoved into your hand the minute you stepped through the threshold of the house. Along with it was the beaming smile of Mai, your newly befriended classmate from your literature course. 

"Drink up, babe!" She yelled over the loud music, giving you a sticky, lip gloss-coated grin 

You hadn't known Mai for long, seeing as you had only been on campus for a couple of weeks now, but the little time you had been around her, you had found out that she was quite gregarious, fond of parties and snored quite loudly through lectures. You gulped down the liquor, tasting the faintest hint of cherry in whatever concoction Mai had whipped up for the two of you. 

You deserved this, you thought. The last week or so had been pretty intense. You had been a little overwhelmed with all the changes and amidst sorting out your accommodation, the plethora of lectures and classes you had to attend, and the social challenge of being completely alone in a new place—you had found little time to actually unwind. So when Mai had approached, chatting your ear off about some party and how she wanted to introduce you to her super cool dealer, you practically jumped at the opportunity. 

The pretty ravenette grabbed your arm and led you into the tightly packed dancefloor, giving your hand a squeeze and spinning you playfully as she gushed over how gorgeous your makeup and outfit were. 

"Please, you're already stunning (Y/N), but I need you to dress up like this _everyday!_ " She giggled in your ear, as you both moved languidly to the beat of the song, "it will give me a reason to stay awake."

You shook your head in laughter, "No way, Mai. Not at 8 o'clock in the morning, I can barely even get up myself.”

You felt your smile grow from her compliment. You had felt good when you stepped out; your eyeliner immaculate and embellishing your (E/C) eyes perfectly, your cheeks flushed the flattering hue of your favourite blush and you were wearing your favourite lacy black top—the one that was a little low cut and revealed your décolletage perfectly. Eyes were on you. Someone in your peripheral was locked in a staring match with your chest.

_That's okay.You were fully aware of how gorgeous you looked tonight._

Mai suddenly stopped dancing, craning her neck behind her as if she was looking for someone. 

"Ooh, there's my guy!" She grabbed your arm, tugging you past the heaps of people that towered over the two of you. People, as in, larger men who glanced at you either, disapprovingly or hungrily, as they watched two smaller women shoulder past them. You were led into the rather spacious back garden where a group of people were smoking on the gravel patio. 

While you were wondering which rich person was sacrificing their fancy house for a bunch of freeloading partygoers, Mai was busy greeting someone. 

"I knew you'd be here!" She clapped her hands, pulling the stranger into an overly enthusiastic hug. One that he didn't seem entirely ready to receive.

He covered his uncertainty with a wide, friendly grin and pulled his beanie down over his face a little bit more, "Hey sweetheart, What do you need?"

"Got any pre-rolls? I can't roll with my acrylics on." She held out her manicured baby pink fingernails in exasperation. 

He chuckled heartily, "Of course. Anything else?"

"Uppers?"

"Thought you were done with those?" He raised an eyebrow, giving her a smirk.

"Well so did I." She forced a laugh, waiting for his response expectantly

He pulled out a small plastic bag filled with 3 cyan coloured pills, "I got blue teslas for ya'."

"How much?"

"15 for these three. 10 for two pre-rolls. "

Mai chewed her lip like she was weighing up her options.

The guy let out another hearty chuckle, shaking his head fondly. "I'll give you all this for 20."

She gave him another winning smile, handed over a note and pocketed the rest of her stash with extreme haste. "You're too good to me." She batted her long eyelashes at him.

"Oh, I'm well aware, sweetheart." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. 

Throughout the whole exchange you had been standing off to the side rather awkwardly, rubbing your arms up and down your side to chase away the cold. Mai suddenly remembered your existence, draping her arm around you and pulling you forward to stare up at her dealer. 

"Oh lemme', introduce you, (Y/N) this is—"

"—Suga?"

"—(Y/N)?"

You both had cut her off simultaneously. It was only now, as you were staring up at him, you had realised it was _actually_ him. His hair was pulled messily into his face from the black beanie he was wearing and his tall, slender frame was swallowed entirely by the oversized sweater and jacket combo. Pretty hazel eyes held yours, and you didn't miss the way his mouth fell open. He swallowed hard, searching your face and burrowing his hands deeper into his pockets as you both took each other in in silence.

"You two...know each other?"

Neither of you replied, still waiting for the other one to say something, anything, first. You finally looked away, swallowing down whatever questions had bubbled at the forefront of your mind.

He was the first to cave.

With an awkward laugh and an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders, "You buying anything?"

* * *

Mai was off her head, talking to practically everybody and anybody.

You watched her thoughtfully, _so this was what molly did to you?_

Having only smoked weed a couple of times, you were a little uncultured, per se. 

It was entertaining, to say the least. You didn't think that someone as outgoing as Mai could become even _more_ outgoing, but clearly you were mistaken. She had reached the zenith of sociability; having befriended not one, not two but _five_ strangers, giving cheek kisses to a bunch of girls in the bathroom, including you and Sugawara and perhaps the best part of the night being the conversation she had with the neighbours cat as she stepped outside for a smoke on the patio. 

You were lightly buzzed, only having two drinks including the one you were given by Mai earlier and somehow you had found yourself planted by Sugawara's side, in a corner, softly swaying to the music as he sipped his own drink.

You both watched in amusement and she gyrated with some random guy, getting a little too into the music. 

"She's a handful." Sugawara hummed

"Yup." You smiled, as she waved frantically. "But I like her, she's fun."

He took a sip, watching you as your eyes slipped closed, lost in your own little world. 

"You're staring Koushi." You mumbled, your lips curving upwards as your eyes remained shut. 

"U-Uh...Sorry." He chuckled, rubbing his neck awkwardly again in that familiar way he did, his eyes crinkling shut as he laughed. "I’m just...I guess I'm still surprised that I ran into you."

You finally opened your eyes, "Yeah me too."

"Not that it's a bad thing, " He hastily gulped down the rest of his drink, "It's just been a while."

"It's nice to see a familiar face for once."

"Oh shit! Yeah, you're a fresher. I bet this was all pretty intimidating at first."

"Yeah, this campus is so big, oh my goodness. The first two weeks, I got so lost." You clapped a hand to your forehead, recalling that one time you were frantically calling Mai for directions to one of your relocated lectures. "It was insane."

There was unspoken tension between the two of you. Almost like the two of you were dancing around a set of hidden volatile mines, carefully avoiding not to blow one off and throw everything into chaos. An awkward silence fell between you two, for the second time that night. 

Once again, Koushi Sugawara broke it; "How's your brother?" 

There it was. The question you had been waiting for. 

Sugawara and your older brother—nicknamed 'Flash', not all for good reasons—had been really close growing up, having met in high school. Flash was two years older than you, and Suga was in the year above. You had met Suga at 13, trailing after your brother and his gang of friends, trying to keep up with them all as you first stumbled into the new school. It wasn't all bad, it meant that you were protected—no one really wanted to fuck with you, or else they had to answer to your burly, hot-headed and extremely foul-mouthed big bro and his gang. 

However, this bad temper got him into a lot of trouble, and soon Flash, Suga and a few other of his friends fell into a really bad crowd. You watched as your brother became the quintessential poster child of ‘ _Anti-Social Behaviour’_. At one point, both, he and Suga had been suspended for two weeks due to speculations of dealing drugs to some students in the younger year.

Hazy memories flooded your mind; your mothers crying face, your brother's bloodied nose, Sugawara's sad hazel eyes.

You looked up into those same endless verdant-brown pools, expectant and waiting yet disturbingly intense and heavy. 

"He's fine. I know he's busy though, with his new job and everything."

"He's working?" There was no malice in his tone, just joyful surprise. You couldn't blame him, the last time Suga had seen Flash, it had been...a mess. That was putting it lightly.

You let out a sigh before turning to face Sugawara, trying your hardest to maintain eye contact. "He's a lot better now Suga. You should talk to him." You gave his shoulder a squeeze, glancing at him with a subdued smile before waving goodbye. 

"You're leaving?" He definitely didn’t mean to sound so disappointed.

"Yeah. I-" 

"Let me give you a lift? You live in the dorm buildings, right?" He was already next to you again, eyes brimming with concern. "Which building?"

The buzz of the alcohol was wearing off, leaving the tell-tale trails of an impending headache. "You been’ drinking?" You were still sober enough to not put yourself in any unnecessary danger.

"No alcohol." He held up his nearly empty drink, "It's cola."

So, after kissing Mai goodbye, or rather Mai kissing you goodbye—you also made her promise you to keep you updated through a series of texts and asked a mutual friend to ensure she got a taxi—you and Sugawara left. The journey back to the dorms was in comfortable silence. The fresh air from the cracked window was refreshing after being stuffed in a house, packed next to strangers like sardines in a tin can. 

It had been 3 years since you last spoke to Sugawara, but it didn't really seem all that different. 

You thanked him quietly for the lift when he pulled up, ready to crash and head to bed but he gently grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks as you swung open the door.

"Sugar, can I have your number?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt shitty so I wrote a suga fic, will I continue? Im not sure yet
> 
> Feedback appreciated:)


	2. Distracted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug references throughout.

"Why didn't you tell me Sugawara Koushi goes to my uni?"

There was a brief pause. "Suga goes to your uni?" Surprise seeped into your brother's voice.

You balanced the phone on your shoulder as you stuffed folders and textbooks into a backpack. You had 20 minutes until your next class, and you had decided to check in with your big brother and reveal who you had bumped into a couple of days ago. 

"Mhmm." You hummed, "Thanks for the heads up." 

"Hey, I had no idea." Flash grunted, "So don't go blaming me. I haven't spoken to the guy in ages."

"Yeah, yeah." You rolled your eyes, you hadn't expected anything different. Their friendship had came to an abrupt and confusing end one day, and Flash wasn't willing to expand more on it whenever you asked and Suga had just disappeared so you couldn't turn to him for answers, even if you wanted to. "How are things anyway?"

Flash was working down South of the country. He had recently acquired a new construction job; it was heavy, physical work that suited him perfectly and also gave him time to self-reflect and improve, doing things he had never thought he could achieve. 

Hell, he was lucky to still be alive.

"Eh, a couple of co-workers invited me for some drinks after work tomorrow, still debating whether or not I should go.” You involuntarily tensed up at that. It was as if Flash could see you despite being hundreds of miles away, he sensed your unease instantly. "Chill out, (Y/N)" He said, sighing, "Even if I did go, I have no intention to drink. I made a promise to you, didn't I." 

You rubbed your arm absent-mindedly, biting your lip with hesitation. "Sorry, I just--"

"I know." His words carried a sense of finality. 

There was another wave of silence. You heard a bunch of shuffling in the background of his call, the crackling of wind obscuring his breaths momentarily. 

"Suga asked about you." You blurted randomly. 

"Yeah?" He sounded uninterested, not hurt, not angry, just completely bored. 

"I wish you two would talk again. I don't like this bad blood between the two of you."

You heard your brother's heavy intake of breath, like this conversation was physically draining to him. "There's certain things that you don't know,(Y/N). There is no _bad blood_ , Suga and I are just on different paths right now. What happened in the past is exactly that, it's in the past."

"Do you miss him?"

Another heavy sigh. "Of course, I do."

"Do you miss me?" You couldn't help the laughter that slipped into your voice.

"You? Fuck no!" You could hear his grin through the phone. "You're the biggest pain in my ass." 

" _Me? I'm_ the biggest pain in _your_ ass?" You guffawed in disbelief, "It's the other way round, bro."

"You wish."

"I'm 18 now, I think I'm big enough to finally kick your ass next time I see you." You slung your backpack on your shoulder, and stepped out of the dorm. Shaking your head as you giggled. 

"Yeah? Is that a promise, cause' not once have you been able to."

"Don't tempt me." You warned him, "You know I'll come and hunt your bitch ass down after my lecture." 

"Whatever. Get to class, you loser." There was a bubble of voices in the background, he must be finishing up his morning break and heading back to work. "Oh, and Suga better be keeping an eye on you."

"I don't need him to keep an eye on me."

"No, but he's too good of a guy not to."

And with that final genuine observation, you're brother was gone. He wasn't wrong however, Sugawara Koushi was a sweetheart, an all-round good guy who throughout his childhood and adolescence always wanted to do the right thing. Only ever resorting to 'bad behaviour' in order to protect the people closest to him.

Despite knowing this, you didn't have the heart to tell your brother that Suga was still selling. 

* * *

The chime of your phone as an incoming text lit up your screen, had a couple of people craning their heads around to glance at you. 

"Shit." You hissed to yourself, promptly switching it back into silent mode. 

The monotonous droning of the professor, as he stood on the stage of the lecture hall, continued without falter. You suppressed a giggle at Mai, who was slotted into the seat left of you. Her black hair was sprawled on the desk, and a pool of saliva was seeping from her opened mouth as she softly snored. 

You glanced at your phone, and was pleasantly surprised to see a text from Sugawara;

**-Suga-**

_you free? x_

This was your only class today, meaning you had lunch and practically the rest of the day free. You thought about it, weighing up the options in your head. Go meet with the handsome and sweet Sugawara Koushi or binge-watch netflix in your dorm for the rest of the day. 

**-Me-**

_what did you have in mind?_

And so you found yourself being ushered into Sugawara's off campus apartment the moment your lecture was finished, seeing as he was waiting to pick you up in his car. He told you that he was sharing it with a roomate, who was also studying at the same university as the two of you- he just so happened to be out today. 

You plopped down into the large couch, shuffling out of your coat and laying it on the armrest. 

"So how comes I've never seen you, despite being at the same university?" You looked up at him curiously. He only smiled at you, that same gorgeous, eye-crinkling smile, that showed off his perfect teeth. 

"You said it yourself. This place is massive (Y/N)" He gave a small shrug, " Besides you're in the humanities buildings most of the time, I'm on the complete opposite side."

"Oh yeah, what course are you doing?"

"Business and Finance."

You snickered at the irony. Oh, he was definitely doing some side business, that's for sure.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing." He finally sat down, opting for the single armchair opposite you. 

"So Pizza? Takeout?" He held up his phone earnestly. 

You smirked at him, "My, my Koushi. Are you treating me?"

He smiled wickedly, he liked the way you said his name. " Well (Y/N), this is a reunion of sorts, might as well celebrate in a proper way."

As long as he was paying, you had no qualms about it. 

"I spoke to my brother today." Koushi had gotten up to get you something to drink, but you didn't miss the way that he froze momentarily. "Why don't you guys speak anymore?"

"Tea? Coffee or maybe a soft drink?"

You trailed after him, stepping into a small, dinky kitchen. His smile didn't meet his eyes. "Koushi don't change the subject."

"I don't know what you want me to say, (Y/N)" He glanced at the ground, "I-"

"You're still dealing." You cut him off, you hadn't meant to sound so accusatory but you couldn't help it. He winced at the bite in your voice. 

"I-I-..." He fumbled over his own words, "No heavy shit, just weed and occasionally pills."

"Pills?" You sneered, "Like the ones that almost killed Flash!"

"NO!" He yelled. 

You flinched, staring at him in shock. He had never raised his voice at you, shit, you had never seen Sugawara raise his voice to anyone. He seemed surprised at his own capabilities, because he was chewing on his lip in guilt, refusing to look at you. 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay." He leant against the counter, finger nervously drumming on the cheap flaking material. "Never benzos, never any of that heavy shit that..." He inhaled a shaky breath, as if he couldn't continue, "...only uppers, like the molly that I sold to your friend the other day, okay?"

"Are you...do you still-"

This time he cut you off, "No." He shook his head, pressing his lips into a thin line. "I smoke weed occasionally, that's it. No pills, barely any alcohol."

"Okay." 

You're voice sounded so small. He hated it with a passion. It felt like he was in front of his family again, being scrutinised and chastised, the disappointing eyes of his mother, so tired and sullen. It was his fault, he had broken her.

"I'm proud of you, Koushi." 

_What?_

His mind went blank, as a wave of confusion engulfed his subconscious. He blinked up at you, once, twice. Yet you were still looking at him with those big, honest, sad eyes of yours. He searched your face intently for traces of humour or dishonesty, and came back empty-handed. You had meant it. 

"Why?" It was the only thing that had came to his mind. He had played a part in your brother's downfall; he could have stopped him, he could have helped him. There was so much he could have done. If he had the opportunity to go back in time, he would go back and right all his wrongs. He would tell himself and Flash to fix up their acts, look you in your eyes and tell you how much you meant to him and how much he-

"because I know you and Flash are taking steps to doing better." You gave him a small smile, "And that makes me so happy." 

No he wasn't. He was a fraud. He was still that pathetic teenager, trailing after your brother like a lost puppy and falling into the same toxic patterns he had done all those years ago. Suddenly, he was wrapped into a hug, his waist engulfed by your small arms as you squeezed him tightly. 

"I'm so happy to see you." Your voice wavered slightly, as you buried your face into his chest. "We're gonna get you out of this, I promise."

His vision was blurring from tears, his throat feeling tight as all the air suddenly felt restricted from his lungs. He forced himself to blink them away, not daring to speak as he knew his voice would betray him. You pulled your face out of his sweater, drowning in his scent; musky yet soft, smelling sweet and light with the hint of something intense, like cigarette smoke wafting through a candy shop. 

His hands felt so right against your cheeks, and he could see your lip trembling, glittery tears filling your big doe eyes. So when he bent down and pressed his lips to yours, softly slotting himself against your body, you both let out a sigh. His lips were soft and warm, his calloused thumb rubbing circles into your cheek as he cupped your beautiful face. 

You both stood there, your back against the counter, his chest pressing into yours. Your hands slid underneath his sweater, softly caressing his skin as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. He was just as sweet as you had expected, every movement, every breath left you craving him more and more. Sugawara had waited so long for this, and now that he had finally experienced it, he knew he was addicted. You were his new drug, this first taste was never going to be enough. All those years, craving, watching and yearning after someone as unattainable as you could not compare to how amazing it felt when you sighed into his mouth.

You were drowning in each other, reliving all those painful memories you had, both, once forgot. 

"Ayo..Oh?"

You broke apart, panting. You had been so distracted, neither of you had heard Sugawara's roomate unlock the front door and step in. You both stood there, dumbfounded as a raven haired man glanced at the pair of you, humour dancing in his dark brown eyes.

"I-I've got to go." You swallowed hard, stepping past the both of them, and heading to the front door. You had almost forgotten your backpack.

"Wait (Y/N), I-"

But you ignored him, grabbing your things and scuttling out the door with no hesitation.

Sugawara buried his face in his hands, shaking his head before dragging them down his face in frustration. "Fucking hell, Daichi!" He narrowed his hazel eyes at his roomate, who was leaning against the kitchen doorframe, quietly laughing. 

Daichi Sawamura held up his palms in surrender, "Hey, next time give me a heads up if you're bringing a girl round."


	3. Decisions, Decisions

Your finger hovered over your brother's number.

A picture of the two of you beaming at the camera when you were younger was set as his contact photo. You were battling an internal decision, to call him or not to call him. You felt like he deserved to know about one of his closest (old) friends, but then again, was this your information to tell? You didn't really have a right to disclose private information about Sugawara, regardless of his past relationship with Flash and your... _current_ relationship with him. 

It had been a week since you had bolted out of Sugawara's apartment and despite him calling and texting you nearly everyday since, you had ignored him every single time. 

You couldn't even figure out why you were feeling this way. He hadn't done anything wrong. You were trying to pinpoint your feelings towards him; Hope? Resentment? Lust? It was far too confusing, so you opted to just block him out instead. You prayed, that, in due time, everything would start to become much clearer. Besides, you had a rather daunting essay coming up, you didn't have time for any of this right now. 

Almost as if, on cue, your phone began to vibrate within your hand, _'Suga'_ lighting up your screen. 

A knock at your door quickly diverted your attention, and you tossed your phone on to the bed. Suga was quickly forgotten once more, as you swung open your door to reveal an upbeat Yachi Hitoka. 

She gave you a shy wave, faltering slightly as she took in your expression. "Oh, (Y/N), are you busy?"

You shook your thoughts from your head, giving her a reassuring smile. "Oh, Yachi, Hi." Oh right, You had arranged to go and eat at one of the canteens today, "No, no, of course not. Let's go."

You grabbed your bag, opting to leave your phone in your room. You would just be distracted by it.

Yachi was staying in the same dorm building, on the floor below you. You had bumped into her on moving day, watching as the petite blonde girl almost toppled over carrying a bunch of cardboard boxes to her room. After helping her out and getting introductions out of the way, you had discovered that she was quite genuine and kind, always brightening your day whenever you bumped into her on your way in and out of the dorms. You had both wanted to check out the canteen area, hearing that the food wasn't entirely terrible so here you were, today, on your planned lunch date. 

Yachi told you about her geography classes as you took a seat at a free table, and how upset she was about being forced into a big group assignment so soon.

"I mean, It's the first term (Y/N), what the hell?" She took a large bite out of her sandwich, "We barely even know each other in class." She groaned, through a mouthful. 

"I guess that's the point, Yachi." You chuckled, "Group projects force you to get to know each other. Made any geograpphy buddies?"

She snorted, "Nope." Her head rested in her palm as she pouted, "Just this annoying asshole who keeps trying to flirt with everyone."

"Oooh." You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, stop it." She gave your shoulder a playful shove, "He's attractive, but he's not my type."

"What is your type?"

"Someone who's loving and caring, trustworthy and sweet." She sighed dreamily, looking up at the ceiling as if she was crafting her dream guy out of thin air. "Like, when your around each other it just feels... _right."_

The smile drained from your face as your mind swam with images of hazel eyes, and soft grey hair. How _right_ it felt when you had kissed him that evening and how much you longed to see him again.

"(Y/N)?" 

"Huh?"

Yachi narrowed her eyes at you, chewing on her lip as if deep in thought of her own. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been looking a little...distracted?"

As you opened your mouth to brush off her implications, you were promptly interrupted as a tall guy slipped into the seat next to Yachi and threw his arm over her shoulders as if they were old war buddies. 

"Hitoka, hey, how are you doing?" His voice crooned, smooth and husky like dripping honey. 

You watched as Yachi forced a smile, annoyance tainting her usually soft features. " Terushima." She said, a little too sharply, "I'm doing great. You know, not much has changed since you asked me that in the class we _just_ shared together.

Her eye twitched and you pieced together that this was the 'annoying dude' who she was just complaining about. Well, you didn't know about him being annoying, you knew for certain that she was right about him being attractive. 

His gaze locked on to you briefly, and you watched as a mischievous glint seeped into his almond eyes. 

He extended a large hand out to you with his other arm still locked around Yachi. When you hesitantly accepted his handshake, he let out a low chuckle. You looked away as his gaze intensified, his calloused thumb rubbing small circles on your petite hand. 

"Hey gorgeous, I'm Terushima Yuuji." His tongue darted out to wet his lips, the flash of a tongue piercing catching you momentarily off guard. 

"(Y/N)" You introduced with a polite smile.

He turned back to Yachi, blonde slicked back locks shaking as he did so. "Yachi, you didn't tell me you had such a beautiful friend."

She gave a fake laugh and attempted to wriggle out of his vice-like grip.

"Well I'll leave you to it," He flicked a piece of hair out of his face, his exposed arm muscles on show from where he had rolled his shirt sleeves down. "Yachi has my number." He gave you a wink and spun on his heel, heading back to his own table of loud obnoxious friend. 

"Holy shit." You breathed.

"I know right." Yachi slapped a palm to her forehead.

"I thought you were exaggerating, but, My God." You covered your mouth as you stifled a laugh, "Where do these men get the audacity?"

You both attempted to hold back your laughter, still in disbelief from the interaction. While Terushima was very, very attractive, you could tell that was perhaps the only thing worthy of merit. 

You finished off your meal and headed back to the dorms, still chuckling.   
  
"I kid you not, during the first week, he held me hostage over my phone number." 

"He didn't." 

"Oh he did, there was only so many excuses I could give the guy, but it's like he can't take a hint."

You were so engrossed in your conversation that you didn't notice Sugawara sitting on one of the benches next to your dorm entrance, patiently waiting for you as he listened to music on his headphones. 

"Excuse me ladies," He gave a polite smile as he approached you and Yachi before you could head inside, but you saw right through it. "D'ya mind if I have a quick word with (Y/N)"

Yachi gave the two of you a bewildered look, waving goodbye hesitantly before heading into the dorms and looking over her shoulders as many times as possible whilst she walked away. Once she was gone, Sugawara's smile decreased in intensity and you could finally make out the traces of annoyance that marred his beautiful features. "Can we talk?"

"We are, aren't we?"

He sighed heavily, "I've been ringing you."

"No phone," You held up your hands, in surrender. " I left it in my dorm, whilst I was out."

"For the entire week?"

"Yes?" Your voice rose an octave. 

"Whatever," He shook his head softly, before extending his arm out to you. He faltered, as if he was deciding not to before gently grabbing your forearm and pulling you closer to him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, I just wanted to apologise bef-"

"Suga, stop." You hushed him, "Don't apologise, you didn't do anything wrong." He had probably been beating himself up for the whole week, and that made you feel ten times worse than you already did. "I should be the one apologising, I've been ignoring you."

"For good reason, though. I get it, I really do."

"No, I'm not a child anymore. I can't just ignore a problem if I don't want to face it."

For some reason, the intensity of your words had him silent for a while. His eyes involuntarily drifted to your lips and he thought about how soft they felt against his own, when you were standing there in his kitchen. He internally kicked himself, forcing his mind to get a grip. 

"I've just been a little confused, Koushi." You finally sighed out, "Seeing you again, it's been...I'm so happy that you're okay, but I can't just ignore what took place 3 years ago and seeing you again has just taken me back to the same, dark place that I really dont want to be." 

Sugawara Koushi nodded his head solemnly, pressing his lips into a thin line. That was fair, at least you had been honest with him, that's all he could ask for. Furthermore, he couldn't blame you for the ways in which you processed your own trauma, if seeing him again reminded you off bad times, he would back off. He just wanted to see you happy. 

"Okay, I understand, (Y/N)." He swallowed hard, forcing a sad smile, "It's been great seeing you after all these years-"

"-No silly," You shoved him playfully, laughing in relish at the confusion on his face. "I want to...whatever this is. I want to see you, Koushi."

The way his heart was hammering in his chest had to be abnormal, right? Sugawara Koushi was certain that you could hear it. The heat that spread through his body, was similar to an active volcano, spilling magma over the earth's crust- this oozing, comforting feeling spreading to every tendon, limb and nerve-ending in his body and leaving nothing but blissful warmth in the depth of his soul. 

"I just wanted to give you an explanation because I've just been stuck in this confusing state of limbo, trying to work my feelings out." You glanced at the ground, "but I really like you Koushi and we've been given the chance to be friends again, so why wouldn't I take it?"

He pulled you into his chest, exhaling a breath that he had no idea he was even holding in and burying his face in your hair. You stood there, clasping each other for what felt like ages, until you pulled away slightly and craned your neck to look up at him, "So I guess you're feeling the same way then, huh?" 

He pressed a kiss to your forehead, "Sugar, you have no idea." 

He had thought he had completely fucked it up last week when he had kissed you. But to hear you say what you had just said now,it had awakened the awkward love-struck teenager that was still buried deep within him, despite being 19 years old. 

"Does this mean I can take you on a date?" 

You matched his grin, with a giddy smile of your own.


	4. Table for Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: References of Drug abuse & death.
> 
> Kinda dialogue heavy ngl

“Dr. Pepper?” You stuck your tongue out in disgust, as the waiter set down Suga’s glass of poison, and your glass of lemon water. “I’m judging you.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad.”

You were seated at a quaint, hole-in-the-wall café. Soft jazz was playing from the speakers above and the scent of coffee and vanilla wafted over from the kitchen. You smiled at Sugawara. This place seemed perfectly suited for a guy like him; comforting, relaxing and homely. It was the complete embodiment of him. 

He had taken you here for a lunch date as you had only a single morning class today, mentioning something about a chicken dish that was to die for.   
  
You caught each others eye, glancing for a little bit too long before you both looked away with an awkward giggle and warm cheeks. He looked amazing, and you hoped that he hadn’t noticed you silently worshipping him. 

His ashen hair was tousled and framed his perfect face excellently, the colour bringing out the beauty in his eyes- amalgamations of precious gems; amber, emerald, the richness in them was something otherworldy, so when he looked at you like that the only suitable response was to melt under his gaze.   
  
He had swapped out his intimidating, dark clothes for something a little more colourful; wearing a striped oversized sweater, a white collared shirt underneath, and a pair of loose-fitting jeans. You swallowed discreetly. It was unfair just how good he looked. 

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He smiled. 

You blinked, caught off guard momentarily. “Thank you.” It was almost ironic that he had chosen that exact moment to compliment you. Could he hear your idolising thoughts? “I also think you look good today, Suga. I might have to steal some of your clothes.” You gave him a devilish glance. 

“If it means you’ll come over again, be my guest.” He smirked. 

You swallowed hard. Butterflies fluttered in your lower stomach as he sipped his drink slowly, heated gaze never leaving yours at his silent implications.   
  
The reverie was broken as the waitress bounded up to the two of you, setting the plates of food down and bidding you a good meal as you thanked her. Suga was correct about the chicken sandwich. If you were to ever come back here again, you were definitely going to try the whole menu. The two of you talked as you ate, bantering and flirting every now and then.

The topic of conversation fell to the past and you brought up his mother- you had only seen her a handful of times during your adolescence, but she was a sweet woman, passing on her traits to her son. 

Suga’s smile dropped instantly, although he attempted to cover it up with a superficial one. He glanced at his now empty plate, absently playing with a hangnail on his left hand. 

“She died.” 

Oh. You froze, dropping the napkin you were wiping your hands with. 

“Oh, Koushi.” You whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

A tight feeling blanketed your chest, the lovely woman with pretty grey hair. Although she was frail and often house-bound, she would always give you that wondrous smile whenever she could. You didn’t know her very well, but that didnlt matter. You knew that the world had lost someone very special.

”S’okay.” He forced a mirthless laugh, finally glancing at you for a milisecond before fixing his gaze lower, once again.”She was always sick so...It wasn’t a surprise. Well...I-I mean not now, but back then, I guess-“ 

He exhaled loudly and gave another dry chuckle. “When?” You asked breathlessly, regretting it almost as soon as you said it. Why were you prying? This was none of your business. 

“It’s been almost three years. It was just after we moved, straight after-“ 

He looked at you, sad eyes shining as he struggled to finish his sentence. 

You’re lower lip trembled as you understood. So Flash was first and then he lost his mother, straight after. It was true what they said about the world; bad things happened to good people. 

“It was all my fault.” His voice was so quiet, that you could barely hear him. “I was with him when he bought those pills, you know?”   
  
You were beginning to feel a little bit queasy, now. The deliciousness of the meal leaving a sour aftertaste in your mouth. You’re head snapped up, silently begging him not to go into this. 

“Suga.” You warned him

”I remember telling him not to, but I...I-I could have done more. I could have dragged him away, thrown the pills out...fucking begged him or something.” His head was in his hands now, and his voice had raised in volume. “Fuck, I-...I had something come up that day, and I left but if I had been there, just a couple more hours...s-stayed with him-“

“Flash would have still overdosed!” You cut him off, the chill of your words finally forcing him to look at you. 

You remained in silence, forcing yourself to remain calm. You took a breath and closed you eyes, trying not to shake as you spoke. 

“It was his decision, Koushi.” You blinked away tears, “ no matter what you think you should have done, or could have done, it still would have ended up with us finding him.” 

Sugawara winced at that. “Y-You found him?” 

“Yes.” You said solemnly, “In the living room, he was barely alive and choking on his own vomit.” 

You could hear your own screams rattling inside your head. Images of you screeching as you turned your brother on to his side so he didn’t asphyxiate, panicking as you begged the ambulance to come as quick as possible and, finally, sobbing in the hospital as you waited for him to be revived. 

His hand clasped your own suddenly. The warmth of him encasing your shaking fists. You were grateful. With this, you were able to drag yourself out of that mind-numbing hole, the darkness beaten by his light.

“(Y/N), I had no idea. I’m so so-“

“Please, don’t apologise Koushi. Because it’s not your fault.” You smiled weakly, “It’s not mine, it’s not even my brother’s fault.”   
  
It had taken you so long to understand this concept. Even after Flash was out the hospital, you couldn’t face him without having a panic attack. You had spent weeks, months even, afterwards trying to question and pinpoint, blaming yourself and everyone else inbetween. Resentment, hopelessness and melancholy were the only things you knew for a while. At least until you realised...

”Addiction is no one’s fault, Koushi.” 

Koushi Sugawara was in awe of you. The fire within your watery eyes, the strength behind that beautiful smile of yours. He could do nothing more but admire you in all your beauty; both, internal and external. 

“Flash is doing good now, he’s clean, he’s working and he has even got a date sometime this week.” 

You hicupped as you laughed, indicating just how close you were to crying a few moments ago. He joined in, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles on your soft skin.   
  
“I guess great minds really do think alike.” He smiled, nodding at the table.

”That’s why you two were best friends.”   
  
You both chuckled again, until Suga hesitated, scratching his head. “As far as dates go, this one is a little depressing now. My bad, for spoiling the conversation.

”No. I feel like we needed to have this conversation.”   
  
You both nodded in agreement, relishing in the weird liberating feeling that came with relinquishing old, stale emotions. A weight had been lifted from both of your shoulders. Now, the two of you could finally move on. 

Suga slowly leaned forward, wiping away a small, lone tear that had fallen from your eye. He cupped your face apologetically and, once again, you leaned into his touch lacing your hand with his free one, across the table.

”I’m sorry for making you cry, sugar.” He whispered, eyes zeroed in on your lips. God, he wanted to kiss you so bad. 

“You didn’t make me cry, Ko.” You could smell his fragrance this close, something musky yet insanely sweet and it was driving you insane. All previous thoughts forgotten, as he invaded your mind like a noxious gas. “But buy me one of those pretty cupcakes, and maybe I’ll think about accepting your apology.”

”Done.” He whispered against your lips, pulling you closer until you two met.

It was a loving, subdued kiss but passionate nonetheless. His tongue dipped slightly into the seam of your mouth, teasing you and making those butterflies reappear, once more. Who knows what it would have lead to, had it not been for the waiter, clearing his throat to collect the plates. 

You broke apart, shyly and unable to look the waiter in the face. You bit down on your lip as you watched Suga’s face redden, as he quietly asked for the dessert menu. 

* * *

You walked hand in hand, the Winter sky beginning to darken as it was coming up to early evening. 

You swung your takeaway bag- a bad idea, as it had a cupcake in it- softly to and fro, enjoying the comfortable silence as you walked. But you still had one more question

“Kou?” 

“Yes sugar?” The nickname sounded so good coming out of his mouth. Soft and lilting, it made you feel all warm and fuzzy like a cup of hot cocoa. Jesus, you were simping for this man, hard!

”Can I ask one more question?” 

He could tell from your tone of voice that it was probably invasive, but he didn’t mind. “Shoot.” 

“Why are you still selling?”

He faltered momentarily, then he chuckled. He let go of your hand, opting to throw his arm over your shoulder and pull you into his side as you walked-he liked you close to him. 

You relaxed into his touch as he spoke. “remember when me and Flash were messing around in school, and selling to some of our classmates?”

”Mhhm.” You hummed, urging him to go on. 

“Well, the first thing I bought with that cash was a gift for my mom.” 

You glanced up at him, eyes shining. His focus was on the sky and he was smiling ever so faintly.

“She had been in hospital for her birthday, and I hadn’t been able to see her much so I had gotten her this necklace. Yeah, it was with drug money, I know, I know...” He trailed off and chuckled, sighing dreamily.”But she looked so happy, (Y/N). So when I saw her face, that feeling...man, it outweighed any guilt.” 

You didn’t realise you were smiling too, until your cheeks began to burn from over exertion.

”It’s stupid. I know, and I’m a terrible, lying son. But, that’s one of the few final memories I have of her.” He said the last part so quietly, you barely heard him. “And so I guess I’m saving so that in the future, when I have enough money, I can do it for more people too.”   
  
You understood. It was his younger self all over again, doing bad things for the good of others. It wasn’t stupid, rather, the complete opposite. 

“Maybe even for the people that I love.” His eyes flitted down to you as you stopped walking, nothing but intense adoration swimming within them.

The sun setting was a scenic background as the two of you kissed once more, leaning into each others embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suga is such a sweetheart, have you ever heard of a sweet drug dealer? Nope? Me neither. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	5. Rainy Day Antics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters kind of dialogue heavy and im not really that happy with it :/
> 
> Thanks for reading

Sugawara placed a kiss on your cheek, admiring the blissed out smile on your face as you snuggled into him. 

The two of you were lying on a blanket in a communal park. You had a fantastic picnic date- Suga had insisted, saying he had to make up for the last date despite you saying that there was nothing to make up for- and were basking in the surprisingly warm weather, despite it being early Winter.   
  
Your eyes were closed and he found himself absently tracing the outline of your lips with his slender finger. He could get used to this. 

“Have you spoken to my brother, yet?” 

He froze, caught off guard. 

You cracked a single eye open, an amused smirk playing on your lips as he whistled nonchalantly, trying to play it off.

“See, about that...” 

“I knew you would pussy out.” You laughed, “I bet Flash is too scared as well, I wonder who’s gonna bite first?”

A month or so ago, you had given both Suga and Flash each others numbers hoping that the two old friends would reconnect and talk. It was amusing to see the two of them awkwardly dancing around it, it was like watching a teenage boy hesitantly asking a girl to prom. 

“(Y/N), I’m not pussying out.” He sighed, running a hand through his grey locks, “I’m just...sorting some things out first.” 

“Right.” You said sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

“Don’t give me that tone.” He chuckled, poking your shoulder.

You punched him back for good measure. Eventually the two of you ended up in a fit of giggles, taking turns to punch, prod and tickle one another. You yelped as he tackled you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pinning your own hands so that you couldn’t counter-attack. 

You didn’t realise he was straddling you, until both of your laughter had died down and you were gazing into a pair of dreamy, hazel eyes. His cheeks were tinged pink, as he huffed out another awkward laugh. 

You noticed how close his face was to yours, so much so you could feel the heat of his breath fanning across your lips. He stared longingly at them, eyes flitting to how perfect and plump they were. You closed your eyes and waited desperately for his heated kiss. You felt him lean in closer and closer, frustratingly slow.

“Do you know how long I’ve loved you, Sugar.”

His admission was soft, his words quiet as he spoke against your lips. You glanced at him through half-lidded eyelids and was overwhelmed by the absolute adoration that swam in his gaze.

You pressed your mouth to his, no longer able to wait anymore before pulling away briefly. 

“Tell me.” 

He cupped your face, and leaned into you more. He made sure not to crush you underneath his weight as he kissed you needily. 

“For as long...as I can remember.” He said between kisses, his mouth trailing softly down from your lips to your cheek to your jawline.   
  
He broke away momentarily, looking at you once more with that intense stare of his. “Your brother introduced me and that was it.” He shook his head softly, laughing as if he told the funniest joke in the world, “been whipped ever since.” 

The warmth that engulfed you was molten and intense. The words died on your lips. All thoughts couldn’t convey how overjoyed you felt; is this...what love is?

Sugawara’s blush deepened as he realised what he had just confessed. The bashful look that crossed his face was absolutely adorable, and you grabbed his hand to stop him from scratching the back of his neck-a reflex you learned that he did whenever he was slightly embarrassed.

“I...U-Uh” He chuckled nervously, “That sounded less creepy in my head. I’m sorry-”

“No Suga.” You pressed a kiss to his knuckle, cutting him off. His jaw went slack slightly. Your soft actions had now rendered him speechless. “That makes me so happy to hear. Please don’t apologise.”

”The truth is I’ve always been attracted to you too, since we were young.” You continued, giving him a shy smile as you spoke. “I knew you were a good person, you still are. So, I think I was always drawn to you because I just loved being around you.

His genuine smile returned and he rolled off you, pulling you along so that you were on top of him now. You snuggled into his chest, the warm weather suddenly becoming a lot chillier but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care because you had all the warmth you needed right here. 

He embraced you tightly with one arm, stroking your hair softly with the other as you spoke, his body muffling the words slightly. 

“Thats why it mad me sad to see you and Flash acting up sometimes.”   
  
Sugawara swallowed and nodded his head slowly, even though you couldn’t see him. You were right. 

“But I know it wasn’t your fault. Honestly, looking back on it, I think Flash was a bad influence on you.”

“Sugar, I’m my own person. My mistakes are my mistakes and it’s no one’s fault except my own.” 

You craned your neck up to look at him, raising a curious eyebrow before pressing a kiss to his cheek. It was so refreshing to be with someone who was able to recognise their own shortcomings instead of blaming everyone and everything for their own circumstances.

A slight drizzle had suddenly began to come down, yet neither of you had seemed to even acknowledge it.  
  
“You’re the first guy I’ve been with to say something like that.”

”Yeah?” He cracked a smile, “Does that mean I’m doing better than your other boyfriends?”

“Hmmm” You placed a hand to your chin as if deep in thought, “I might have to check my big, boyfriend database.” 

Truthfully, you hadn’t had many relationships. A few high school romances and lowkey flings before you went off to university. None of them really meant anything. The longest relationship you had was in your final years of high school, and in retrospect, he was kind of a dickhead.   
  
“Tell me my pro’s and cons, then.” 

“Well, you’re a good kisser, you listen to me, you’re kind, respectful and really attractive.” 

Sugawara pulled his hood up over his head, nodding along with blushing cheeks as you listed off his qualities. The rain was really starting to pick up now and he used his arm to shield you from some of the rainfall. 

“You don’t have any cons. At least, none that I can see right now. I don’t really like that you’re still dealing but I wouldn't say that its a con.”  
  
“I’ll take that as a win.” He chuckled, “No cons means that I’m perfect.” 

“Ehh, something like that.” You shrugged your shoulders, playing along. He wasn’t wrong. 

“So what was the con’s of your exes?”

”Sorry, that’s classified information.” Your eyes sparkled with humour. You didn’t really want to disclose that. 

“Come on, sugar.” He tickled you gently, “Give me the details. I can use it as a guide on what not to do.”   
  
You squirmed under his touch, flicking the dew of the rain onto his face. “I don’t kiss and tell.” 

“I’ll kiss _you_ and tell.” He lunged for you, much to your amusement. Despite your pleading squeals, he still tickled and pecked your face until you were forced to surrender.

”Alright, alright.” You pushed him off, “but don’t laugh.” 

He placed a hand over his chest dramatically, “You have my word.” 

Now that the laughter had died down, you were feeling a little self-conscious. No matter how much you didn’t like the last guy you were with, it felt uncomfortable to reveal the sordid details of your relationships undoing. Sugawara looked at you with expectant eyes, waiting for you to speak. 

“He was kind of manipulative, looking back at it.” You watched as the rain cascaded onto the patch of grass adjacent to you. “It was his way or the highway, and he was incredibly selfish.” 

The smile from Sugawara’s face dimmed intensely, the weight of your words taking a toll.   
  
“He was really selfish in bed too.” 

You hadn’t realised you had said that last part out loud, until your brain finally caught up with your voice. You both snapped your head to look at each other, holding one another’s gaze in silence before bursting into peals of laughter.

”I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.” 

“This guy’s just making my job ten times easier.” There was a slight implication in his words, something flashing in his hazel eyes too quick for you to pinpoint it. 

“Hey, if you can make me come, you’ve already won.”

Where was this honesty coming from? You averted your eyes once more as the weight of your own words fully hit you. Jesus, shut the fuck up. 

Sugawara was staring at you in silence, his mouth hanging open. 

“How long were you with him?” 

“A little over a year.” You answered quickly.

There was another brief pause as he took that in. To say that he was in shock was an understatement.   
  
“You were sleeping with this dude for a year?” He said slowly, confusion etched into his face. “And he never made you come? Not once?” 

You shook your head as your face heated up. You wished you had never opened your mouth.   
  
His hand tilted your chin up to force you to look at him. His eyes were intense and dark, that same hazy look he had, just a second ago, returning but at full force. You breath faltered as he surveyed you silently.   
  
Rain was falling heavier now, fat droplets rolling down both of your faces and saturating your clothes but it was as if you both couldn’t feel it. The two of you were in an entirely different world now. 

His thumb gently traced your bottom lip before he pulled it down, slowly forcing your mouth open. 

He was staring at you in this intense way, a look that was foreign compared to the gooey, comforting gazes he spared you before. He was looking at you like an animal circling its prey. 

“Fuck, the things I want to do to you.” His voice was so gravelly, that it didn’t sound like him. His tone causing heat to flood your abdomen. 

His thumb inched into your mouth, slowly bit by bit, until the digit was pressed entirely into the flat of your tongue. 

He groaned, a sound so soft that you barely even caught it but you did. And it was heavenly. Lust flooding through you, coursing through every vein in your body.

“ (Y/N), this guy had to be the biggest idiot in the world.” 

He removed his thumb from your mouth, quickly replacing it with his own lips. In a flash, you were on top of him and straddling his waist. 

You both sighed into each other. The passion of your previous kisses was still there, but this was something different in it’s entirety. It was hungry and animalistic, the both of you fighting against each other. 

You were soaked entirely, the rain causing your hair to stick to your forehead, droplets cascading down from your face to his. Yet, the fire from this steamy exchange meant that neither of you felt it. Too lost in your own desires to really give a damn about the fact that you were making out in this heavy downfall, in the middle of a very public park.

Sugawara’s large wet hands slipped underneath your damp clothes, the chill of them against your body causing you to hiss. He pressed you into him, almost as if he wanted no distance between the two of you. 

You moaned as he bit down on to your lip, causing you to rock into him. Your clothed centre creating a delicious friction against his growing arousal. Your hands went to his hair, tugging on the soaked strands as his tongue dominated your mouth. 

The crackle of thunder caused you both to jump and break away from each other. You were brought back to earth as you finally took in your surroundings, realising that you were now caught in torrential rain. The chill of winter finally set into your bones, the burning lust fizzling away leaving only the freezing cold to sober you up from this sinful high.   
  
Koushi was now sporting a slight erection, and if you were being honest, your clothes weren’t the only thing that was damp. 

You shared a final heated glance before stumbling to your feet and stuffing your arms with your bags and other miscellaneous items, making a mad dash back to the Koushi’s car as if the two of you weren’t already soaked. 

“Wanna dry off at my place?”


	6. Hot Shower (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smut that you’ve been waiting for lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW; Sexual content in this chapter!
> 
> Unedited like a mf & I might change the ending of this chapter so....

You stood under the stream of water, closing your eyes and letting the heat melt the chill that had settled into your limbs.

After that brief, awkward period of trying to solve the mystery of another persons shower, you were finally able to relax and loosen up. 

Although, the bathroom in Koushi’s apartment was small it was miles better than the communal shower room on the floor of your dorm. You closed your eyes, rinsing off the soapy water and losing yourself in your thoughts. 

_Fuck, the things I want to do to you.  
_

Your eyes shot open as the memory of Suga’s raspy lust induced whispers and those dark, intense eyes caused butterflies to dance around in your lower stomach.

The two of you didn’t say a word in the car ride back to his apartment, too cold and too...tense after your little tryst in the park. Intially, you had jumped at the opportunity of a hot (private) shower and a place to warm up, and seeing as his apartment was close to the park- you didn’t really think much of it.

But now, 

With all your sinful thoughts, doubts, insecurities and desires- this was beginning to sound like a bad idea. Perhaps you shouldn’t have came. Did this mean you had to sleep with him now? What did this mean for your relationship now? Does he just want to fuck? 

When the two of you had started dating, you agreed that you were both perfectly content in taking it slow. You had been friends before, and you were happy to explore your relationship at your own pace. 

_So what now?_

Your hands slowly trailed down your body and you couldn’t stop the thoughts that flooded your brain; him, his large hands trailing over your body, his mouth on your neck as he-

“Sugar?”   
  
Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of your nickname, as if you were caught in your daydreams despite the fact he couldn’t see you. He called your name softly once more and rapped gently on the bathroom door.

”I’ve left another towel and some of my clothes out on my bed.” He called from the other side of the door, “you can take my room and get dressed in there when you come out of the shower. I’ll be in Daichi’s room.”

“Thank you, Kou.”   
  
You stepped out and wrapped yourself in a blue fluffy towel, before opening the door and crossing the living area to get to Koushi’s room. 

Just as he said, there were some of his clothes laid out for you. An oversized shirt and a pair of shorts, that were far to big for you. You quickly got dressed, and noticed how you were engulfed by his scent. It covered your body; clung to his (now your) clothes, drifted around the bedroom, even the towel reminded you of him. You adored it.

Daichi Sawamura, Suga’s roomate, was gone for a couple of days so Suga had offered his own room to crash in, whilst he would take Daichi’s or the couch. 

After, drying your face and feeling fully refreshed you stepped out of Koushi’s bedroom.

_Oh._

Koushi Sugawara froze as he stepped out the bathroom, dripping wet and skin tinted from the heat of the shower. A large towel hung low on his waist, giving you a delicious view of his toned, exposed abdomen. A hand absently ran through his drenched ash hair. It covered his eyes and made him look ten times as devilish. You noted the muscular movements of his arm as he did so, and felt your mouth run dry. 

You both stood there taking in each other, before turning away awkwardly and muttering hushed sorries.

You closed your eyes and screamed internally as you walked into the kitchen to grab a drink. You hadn’t even heard the shower running. You let out a frustrated sigh, hating how awkward things were now, and how unfair it was that he looked so goddamn good. 

_Get it together_ , you willed yourself. There was no need for things to be this tense. You two agreed to take things slow, and that was fine. Communication was key in relationships, so you two would just have to talk it out and see whether or not intimacy or physicality was on the table right now. You forced a smile. It was going to be fine.

“You look good in my clothes.”   
  
You had been pouring a kettle full of boiling water into a mug when Koushi’s soft voice rang out from behind you. 

You jumped, splashing scalding hot water on to your hand and crying out in pain. 

“Shit!” You both cursed, simultaneously.

”Fuck, Sugar.” He ushered you to the kitchen sink, shoving your hand under the cold tap as he stared at you with alarm in his wide hazel eyes. “Baby, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry.”

You’re heart warmed at the new nickname, and you gave him a shaky laugh. You had been so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you didn’t hear him slink in. 

“No, no, Kou.” The pain was beginning to fade, the relief of the cold water helping immensely. “My fault. I was a little distracted.” 

You turned the tap off, the sting of the burn wearing off, and drying your hand with the paper towel he tentatively handed you. You both gave each other a nervous glance before chuckling softly.

He pulled you close and pressed his forehead to yours, closing his eyes.

“What are we doing, (Y/N)?” He sighed and you heard the frustration seeping into his voice. You could tell exactly how he felt. This feeling, it was as if the two of you were walking on eggshells. It all just felt wooden and superficial.  
  
“I don’t know Kou. Things just feel...”

”Different?” He finished for you.   
  
You gave a small nod as he cupped your face and kissed your forehead. 

“Is your hand alright?”

”It’s fine.” 

“You sure? I think I’ve got some bandages or someth-“ 

“Koushi.” You said his name softly, bringing him out of his ramblings. He was nervous for some reason and you had a good idea why that was. 

“Talk to me, Kou.” 

You could see the hesitation cross his face, his eyebrows darting inwards as the words faltered on his tongue. 

After a beat of silence, you let out a soft sigh and stood on your tiptoes to kiss him softly. If he wasn’t going to talk about it, that was fine. You just didn’t like to see him in such a state of conflict.   
  
Your kiss was soft and sweet, coaxing him without the use of words. A reminder that as long as he had you everything was going to be alright. You had always been his little beacon of hope. It’s the reason he had fell in love with you so long ago. 

“I love you.” He muttered against your lips, clasping both of your cheeks in his calloused hands. 

“I know.” You whispered back, smiling into his kiss.” I love you too.” 

“No.” He pulled back slightly to look you dead in the eyes. Your heart dropped as you looked at the uncertainty that swam in them. He searched your pretty face with those beautiful, yet sad, hazel eyes of his and you felt your heart breaking despite the fact that he hadn’t even said a word. 

“Kou?” You breathed, trying to keep your voice calm.

”I just...” He started, “I love you so much that I don’t want to jeopardise anything. I can’t risk you not being in my life anymore. And when you said that we could take it slow, I was overjoyed, but now I’m not so sure how to ... and I uh—Oh God, what the fuck am I even talking-“

“Koushi, just kiss me.”

His tongue darted out to lick his lips before he nodded and obliged, kissing you with an increased fervour. 

“I’m not going...anywhere.” You mumbled in between kisses,“unless you give me... a reason to.” 

You felt the tenseness within his shoulders relax at that, and you could tell that he was at least somewhat reassured by your words.

You were pressed against the kitchen counter, his tongue darting into your mouth. You briefly remembered your first encounter at the apartment and smiled internally. 

As he pressed into you, your hands snaked its way up his back and into his hair, softly tugging and grabbing as he worked his way down to your neck; pressing soft kisses to your jaw, cheek and anywhere else he could possibly get to.

His teeth dug into your neck and you let out a moan, relishing in the sting of his hickeys. You absently tugged harder on his locks, arousal flooding your mind, body and everything else in existence. 

You were not expecting the sinful whine that Koushi let out as you fisted his hair, it was muffled into your own skin but it was there, nonetheless. 

Heat flooded your core, and you found that in this moment you wanted one thing, and one thing only.

_Him_

So when you whispered in Koushi Sugawara’s ear, your dulcet tone murmuring sweetly about how badly you wanted him.   
  
It was only natural for him to hoist you up, wrap your legs around his waist and carry you off to his bedroom; all the while, his lips still pressed to yours.   
  
Your back was shoved against the bedroom door, clicking it shut as he ground into you. Pleasure seeped into your core, as you felt him rub against your clothed heat. You moaned into his mouth as your eyes slid shut, your head falling back against the door in ecstasy.

Koushi cursed internally as he felt his pants grow increasingly tighter. The way that you were mewling his name like that, God, it did things to him that he didn't even know was possible. 

He stepped backwards, before dropping you gently on to the bed and hovering above you, a hand planted at either side of your face as he finally broke apart from your lips.   
  
There was a hungry look in his eyes, yet he was still searching your face for any traces of doubt. As much as he wanted you, he had to know that this was okay. 

“Are you alright?” He said softly, his voice so low that it barely even sounded like his own. “We don’t have to go any further?” 

You silenced his concerns with a gentle kiss to his cheek. Your small hands caressed his face with gentle affection as you whispered, 

“Honestly, Kou” Your smile was shy, yet he could see only love in your eyes and it made his desire grow even more. “I’ve never wanted anyone this bad before in my life.” 

That was all he needed. 

In one quick movement, he had rid you of the shirt you were wearing, leaving your upper body fully exposed- seeing as your bra was still soaked with rainwater.   
  
His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Hard. 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty.” 

You barely had time to warm at his compliment before his large hands were on you, caressing and massaging your body. He gently pinched your nipple and tilted his head up to watch your face contort with pleasure before lowering his mouth onto your skin.

You arched your back and moaned loudly, hands automatically going to his still damp hair as his teeth gently nipped at your sensitive bud. 

Your sounds were heavenly and in that moment, Sugawara Koushi was committed to making you sigh, breathe and scream his name in any manner possible. He trailed kisses down your abdomen, lower and lower until he reached the waistband of the shorts he provided you. 

He sank to his knees on the edge of the bed, looking up at you with lust-blown, expectant eyes. You gave him a nod, urging him to continue.   
  
He hooked his fingers under the material and pulled them down, eyes glued to yours. You noticed that despite the intense want that was lingering in his beautiful hazel gaze, it was overshadowed by sheer adoration. He wanted to show you how much he worshipped you. This was the culmination of all those years he had spent desperately pining after you. 

“You’re so wet for me.” He groaned, pressing a finger to your core, gently parting your lower lips and marvelling at the slick that coated it. 

He smiled devilishly, before slipping a long digit into your heated centre and watching as your eyes slipped shut. Fuck, you felt so tight around his fingers and it made him shiver in anticipation, thinking about how amazing you’d feel, balls deep inside-

“Koushi, ah,” Your soft whines snapped him out of his reverie and once again, he was focused entirely on making you feel good. “Please.” You gave another throaty moan, leaving him him rock hard. He decided to relieve you, slipping another slender finger into your tight hole.   
  
Your hands gripped the sheets, pleasure beginning to bubble up inside of you. But you needed more, you wanted _more._

“Kou-“

You were cut off as you felt his tongue against your clit, giving you small kitten licks as he slipped another finger into you. You’re hands flew to his scalp again and he grunted into you as you gripped his ashen tresses, a little too hard. The pain only spurred him on, forcing him to buck into the mattress to relieve himself of the throbbing pressure that was building in his own cock.

You bit your lip, suppressing another moan as you felt him lick a long stripe down your centre before replacing his fingers with his skilled tongue.

”Sugar, oh fuck.” The sounds of him messily eating you out mixed in with his own gravelly voice only served to turn you on even more. “Baby, you taste so good.”

The praise coursed through you, causing that bubbling arousal to intensify. Your legs began to shake, as you felt the telltale signs of your orgasm beginning to show. He gripped your thigh tightly with one hand, effectively pinning you to the bed as his tongue worked effortlessly to bring you your release. The other hand, worked at your clit, pinching and rubbing with his calloused digits.   
  
“Open your eyes.” 

Your eyes lazily opened at his demand. You watched as he glanced up at you from between your thighs, his tongue snaking out of his mouth to slowly, teasingly lick into you. His own hand was now down his loose joggers, palming himself through the material. 

You threw your head back against the sheets, arching your back as he alternated between tongue-fucking you and using his fingers. 

You felt tears prick your eyes as he brought you closer and closer to your release.

”Koushi,” You babbled, “I-I’m gonna-“

“That’s it, baby.” His voice was raspy, yet gentle. A manifestation of the battle between his angelic personality and devilish lust. “Come for me.” 

And so you did. 

You screamed his name over and over again, chest heaving as he brought you to one of the most intense climaxes of your life. All the while, his tongue kept fucking into you, drinking up every last drop of your arousal.

You were a mewling, panting mess when you were finally brought back down to earth. You pushed his head away, the stimulation leaving you oversensitive. 

He chuckled darkly, licking his lips free of your juices before pressing a chaste kiss to your mouth. You could faintly taste yourself on him. 

“I’d been dreaming about that since I first ran into you again.”   
  
You hummed in response, still recovering. 

“You okay?” He brushed your hair out of your sweaty face, voice dropping in register as he returned back to normal; Your sweet and gentle Koushi. 

“I’m more than okay.” You cracked an eye open, gaining your breath back. “Thank you Kou, that was amazing.” 

You sat up and grinned at each other giddily, before pressing your lips together in a soft, sweet kiss. 

Your hands trailed downwards until your reached his joggers, you gently caressed his erection through the material, delighting in the way he grunted into your mouth when you gave him a firm, squeeze. 

But when you slipped your hand into his waistband, he broke away from you. 

“What? Did I do something wrong.” You said anxiously, eyes widening in alarm. Shit, maybe he didn’t want this after all.

But he was shaking his head fervently, running a hand through his tousled hair. 

“No, no (y/n), there’s nothing wrong.” He swallowed hard, “It’s just...you don’t have to, I-I wanted to make _you_ feel good, so-“ 

“Kou, stop hesitating.” You silenced him with your lips again, “I want to make you feel good too.”   
  
You were just too precious. Too fucking perfect. 

He smiled against you, cupping your face and tracing soft circles into your cheeks with his thumbs. If this is what you desired, then who was he to stand in the way of it. He gently pushed you back down until you were laying on the bed. Once again, the warmth in your eyes had his heart hammering against his ribcage. It was so loud, he was certain that you could hear it.

Your small hands worked its way up his body, as he straddled you, making sure not to place his entire weight upon you. 

You were suddenly aware of your own nakedness, and so you clawed at his shirt; eager to see, touch and feel him. It was tossed to the floor, joining the pile of your forgotten clothes. 

You understood how he felt before because looking up at him now, words could not describe it. He was ethereal; His chiselled chest and muscular abdominal muscles rivalled that of an ancient greek God, the smattering of dark hair that trailed down from his abdomen to the bulge of his cock, tight against his boxers—your mouth was watering.   
  
You pulled him out entirely, your eyes glued to his as you gave him a languid stroke. His mouth fell open, watching you smear pre-cum down his length as you looked up at him through your eyelashes. 

“Keep looking at me like that and you’re gonna make me come before I even put it in.”

You pulled him down for a kiss, chuckling darkly against him as you felt him guide the tip of his cock to your heated centre. 

“Maybe that’s what I want?” You said with a breathy laugh.

But all traces of humour died on your lips as you felt him slowly push into you. You both groaned into each others mouths as he bottomed out inside of you, shuddering with pleasure. 

“You alright?” He hissed, burying his face into your neck and doing his best to keep his voice steady. Fuck, you were so tight.

“Koushi, if you ask me that one more time instead of fucking me...I’m going to lose it.” You whispered breathlessly, subduing a moan. 

He bit down on your shoulder as he withdrew entirely and rocked back into you, hips snapping against yours due to the force. You cried out in ecstaty as he filled you up and drew back out again. Your walls clenched against his length, pleasure seeping into every fibre of your being. 

“Oh, fuck.” He grunted into your skin, biting down hard as he plunged into you at a slow rhythmic pace, grinding into you every time as you met him thrust for thrust. “You feel so fucking good, baby. So fucking good.” 

His voice was strained and tight, cursing more and more each second and it was driving you crazy. Knowing the effect you had on Koushi, it was like you had put him under a spell.

You legs wrapped around him tightly, effectively locking him in. You arched into him, relishing in the way he was sucking and nipping at your neck. 

Koushi licked at the previous hickeys, making sure to leave a fresh smattering of marks upon your beautiful body as he fucked into you. A hiss left his mouth as he felt your nails clawing at his back, scratching at his bare flesh as you moaned his name. 

“Kou, oh my God. Harder, please.” 

He groaned, trying not to come right there and then at your desperate pleas. He pulled out completely, his engorged cock coated in your juices. He grabbed your chin and pulled your mouth to his, before slamming into you once more.   
  
The bed frame thumped against the wall loudly.

You weren’t prepared for it despite asking. You cried into his mouth, the sound muffled by his tongue that was wrestling against your own as you felt him pound into you relentlessly. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you...” He chanted breathlessly, like a prayer.

His chest was heaving as he hit your core repeatedly and you were transported to another world, one of pure euphoria and bliss. It rendered you speechless. You were unable to convey how enamored you were by him, but the way you were clenching against him, milking him for all he was worth— you hoped he got the message.

”K-Kou, ah.” 

It was all you could stammer out as you felt the coil snap deep within you. Your mouth fell open in a silent ‘O’ and Koushi watched as you came undone. 

The debauched look on your face and the way your cunt spasmed against him in the throes of your climax launched him into his own orgasm as well. He gripped your waist tightly, body stiffening as he came. 

A long strained grunt left his lips as his seed shot up inside you, filling you up and leaving your body sated.   
  
You pressed your mouth to his, together, in one final show of needy desperation for one another, before he pulled out of your ruined hole

He collapsed on to you, utterly spent. He buried his head in your neck as you kissed his shoulder and this time when you found your voice again and said, 

“I love you.”

He did so too at the exact same time.

You both quickly drifted off into deep sleep as you were much too exhausted to do anything else after such intensity. 

On the dresser, Sugawara’s phone pinged silently. The screen lit up as an incoming text message came through;  
  
 ** _Flash:_**

**We need to talk _._**


	7. A Phone Call Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! LET’S GO!
> 
> Kinda short

The consistent buzzing noise coming from Sugawara’s mobile phone forced him awake. Who on earth could be calling so late, well, more accurately, early in the morning. He watched it vibrating on top of the dresser with heavy, lidded eyes. The noise startled him and he snatched it up quickly, so as not to wake you.

He watched you stir in your sleep and his heart dropped as he expected you to wake up too.

But soft snores continued to escape your lips. Satisfied, he slid out of bed slowly, your hand that was hooked over his bare waist slipping into the empty space as he got up. 

He felt fear spike through him for a second time as he registered who was calling him. 

Frozen, he stood at the edge of the bed with his eyes glued to the screen. Multiple questions forced its way into the forefront of Sugawara’s mind and his face contorted with confusion as he watched the call ring out. 

“Shit.” He muttered. This had been the fourth missed call from Flash and as he searched for his boxers, he clicked on to his most recent messages and was surprised to find text messages as well;   
  


**_We need to talk  
_ ** _11:38pm_

**_Are u with my sister?_**   
_00:24am  
_

_**Istg u better not be ignoring me you prick** _  
_01:13am_

The last message was sent around 3 hours ago and yet, Flash, was still persisting. Sugawara admired his tenacity, at the very least. 

As if on cue, his phone rang once more, the caller ID revealing Flash’s name. Suga bit his lip as he debated what to do...

”Hello.” He whispered as he tiptoed out the bedroom with the phone to his ear, taking extra care not to make too much noise.

“About fucking time.” The familiar voice hissed.

How long had it been since he had heard his voice. A wave of old memories flooded his senses, breaking through that jail cell that they had been shoved into in the back of his mind. Getting swept up in the nostalgia, Sugawara almost missed the anger in Flash’s tone.

 _Almost_.   
  


He stepped into the living room area, subduing a smile. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it.”   
  


“Im not here to reminisce with you, Sugawara.” His voice was like gravel, sharp and cutting and left an unwelcome chill down Suga’s spine. He was once again reminded of his old friend and the reason he was so intimidating all those years back—and evidently, his menacing aura had not changed a bit. “Is my sister with you?” He continued. 

“U—Uhhhh” Sugawara stammered idiotically. He swallowed hard, attempting to calm himself. 

Why on earth was he so nervous? Was it a crime to be with Y/N? 

“I’ll take that as a yes, then” 

There was an awkward beat of silence, before Flash chuckled mirthlessly into the phone. It was devoid of emotion and villainous in nature. 

“It’s funny, you know. My old best friend fucking my baby sister.” He forced another bark of laughter, “You have to laugh about these things.” 

“I—We’re not...” he trailed off, remembering the beautiful naked women in his bed at this very moment.

“Yeah, I thought so.” 

Sugawara was getting sick of the disdain in Flash’s tone. “Well, it’s none of your business anyway. What’s your problem, dude?”

“My problem?” 

“Yeah, this is the first time we’ve spoken in forever and instead of catching up, you’re pissed off because I like your sister.” 

Flash scoffed, and Sugawara could imagine that he was rolling his eyes. “Of course not, you idiot. This isn’t new to me. Do you think I’m that stupid.”

Suga raised a confused eyebrow as Flash continued, 

“I’ve been watching the two of you make puppy dog eyes at each other for fucking ages. I know you’ve been fawning after her since your balls dropped, you two were so obvious.”

“That’s not true.” He lied weakly, his voice sounded so pathetic that he didn’t even realise it was his own

“Oh whatever.” Flash retorted,

”I bet if she was in hopsital, you’d visit her.” That last part was muttered so quietly, he very nearly missed it. 

Koushi Sugawara’s blood turned to ice cold slush in his veins. The way his stomach dropped was similar to a rollercoaster plummeting back down to the ground, except that there was no laughter and fun.

The warm nostalgia was replaced with tangible pain, a pain so intense that it had nestled into every fibre of his being and he was suddenly transformed back into his teenage years. 

“Or maybe give her a call.”

”Flash.” Sugawara said softly, almost pleading with him. 

“A text at the very least.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t apologise, Koushi.” Flash snapped, but his anger gave way to something raw, a rare show of vulnerability that Sugawara had never seen in his old friend. “Your apology doesn’t mean shit to me.” 

He felt like shit. He had almost forgotten how fast he was ripped away from his old life, the news of his friends overdose and the drugs being the last straw and causing him to be sent away almost immediately. Although, it wasn’t Koushi’s fault entirely, there was definitely more that he could have done for both, Flash and Y/N. He tried to imagine what that must have been like for Flash, fighting for his life and dealing with his absence.

He hated himself for his cowardice, because even to this day—he was still too afraid to face him. It was why he had put off talking to him, despite being given Flash’s phone number for quite some time now. 

“I’m over it.” The finality in his words was intense and Sugawara believed him entirely. There was no use in wallowing and simpering apologies, Flash was too tough for that—and Sugawara envied that resilience. 

“Let’s cut the bullshit now, Suga, eh?” 

“What do you mean?”

Flash let out another heaving sigh. “I _mean,_ I want to know why (Y/N) has been avoiding me.”

Sugawara stood up a little straighter, his head cocked to the side in confusion. This was news to him. For whatever reason, Y/N had been avoiding her brother and Flash believed that he was the culprit behind it. 

“I had no idea that she was avoiding you.” He said truthfully. 

He heard Flash click his tongue in annoyance, before he huffed out, “All of a sudden she stops talking and video calling, keeping me updated, shit, she hasn’t even said two words to me this week and you expect me to believe that you’re not behind this.”

”Flash...I—“ 

“She didn’t text me back yesterday, she _always_ texts me back even when she’s been drinking.” In that moment Sugawara felt even worse. Flash was just trying to be there for Y/N. He would deny it all day long, but Sugawara could plainly see that he was trying his hardest to make up for his actions when they were younger. “I was worried about her.” 

“She’s fine.” Suga said, “I promise you she’s safe and also, I had no idea that she was avoiding you.” 

“Is she really safe?” The accusatory tone rubbed him the wrong way, ”how can I know that, Sugawara?”   
  
“I would _never_ hurt her.” Sugawara forced through clenched teeth, his knuckles had turned white from how hard he was gripping the phone. He didn’t know how much more he could take of this.

The growl that left Flash’s throat was animalistic in nature and fueled by nothing but rage. So, when he shouted the next three words, Sugawara was exposed to the full force of his wrath. 

“You’re still dealing!” Flash screamed at him.   
  
Silence.   
  
Breathe in. Breathe out. He forced himself to manually breathe, forgetting all automatic responses. The shame that burned through him had heat flooding his face, his skin turning an alarming shade of red. He swallowed down a painful lump in his throat as he choked on his own words. Vowels, letters, phrases getting stuck painfully in his throat— there was nothing more to say. How could he deny it? It was the truth. 

“I fucking knew it.” The snarl drew him back to reality, almost forgetting that he was on the phone to Flash. “Your silence means that it’s true. How could you, Koushi?” 

The cracking in his voice as he softy spoke his first name did not go unnoticed by Suga. The rawness and vulnerability becoming too overwhelming, too nauseating. 

Still, he continued. 

“That’s why she was avoiding me wasn’t it, cus’ she didn’t want to tell me about...what you’re still doing.” 

Of course. It was all starting to make sense once again. She was so ashamed of him, that she was dodging her own brother...Oh, God. He buried his face in his hand. Nothing could have prepared him for this bitter truth that he was being forced to swallow. 

“I bet you’re still using, as well.”   
  
He shook his head violenty, not realising that Flash couldn’t see him. He was desperately trying to find his own voice. 

“You motherf—Koushi Sugawara, I swear to God, if you’re using in front of my baby sister and she—“ 

“No.” A broken, weak grunt. “I promise, I barely even smoke weed now, you have to believe me.” 

If he was relieved, Flash showed no sign of it. “I was so stupid to think that you could ever change.”

A painful blow to the gut. His mouth was so dry that it ached whenever he swallowed, his throat similar to that of the saharan desert. Flash didn’t resort to petty fights anymore, oh no. His words had more lethal capability than his fists ever could. 

“Stay away from her.”   
  
“I love her, Flash.” 

How pathetic he was. He blinked back tears, staring at the ceiling as he willed himself—begged himself— not to cry.

”If you really loved her, you’d realise that you need to let her go.”

He had no time to mull over his words, because just as quickly as he came, Flash was gone. 

The phone slid out of his hands, and clattered on to the floor; the desire to not wake you up momentarily forgotten as he dropped to his knees in a clumsy display. He choked back silent sobs, tears streaming down his burning face as the realisation hit him in its entirety. 

He squeezed his eyes closed tightly, a hand covering his mouth as his shoulders racked with his silent cries. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, breaking down on the floor of his living room but he knew that when it was over, he had to do it. 

This had to end. 


	8. 808 & Heartbreaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I hate this chapter. Rewrote it so many times and it still isn’t how i like it. 
> 
> Mucho angst.  
> Enjoy, feedback appreciated :)

Sugawara watched as a yawn bubbled from your pouty lips, your eyes slowly slipping open as streaks of sunlight illuminated your pretty face. You turned around in his grasp, your lips turned upwards in a sleep induced grin as you snuggled into his chest.   
  
“Good morning.” You beamed. 

This wasn’t a good morning. In fact, Koushi Sugawara hadn’t even noticed the time. He was lost in watching the rise and fall of your chest, listening in to your occasional dainty mewls as you slept. He had crawled back in to the bed at one point. He was desperate to just be close to you, to cling to your warmth. At this point, he would take anything that you would give him.

But you were such a work of art that he could only respond with a cheery ‘Good Morning’ back, pressing a loving kiss to your forehead.   
  
You giggled, reaching out to cup his face before stiffening. 

You finally craned your neck upwards to get a good look at Koushi. There were heavy bags under his eyes and his skin was pale and splotchy. It looked like he had slept terribly.

“Kou?” 

He was distracted but the sound of his name caused his eyes to flit down to yours, 

“Yeah, baby?”

”Are you okay?” 

You saw through his fake smile, unconvinced when he assured you that he was fine. ”I woke up in the middle of the night, just couldn’t get back to sleep.” 

You frowned but said nothing.

”You want some tea? I’ll go make some tea.” He said quickly, scrambling out of bed and heading to the kitchen. You were left in his bed, alone and thoroughly confused. 

You picked up some of your clothes from the floor, memories of last night flooding your brain with each article that you grabbed. As you covered your modesty once more, opting for Suga’s baggy clothes, you couldn’t help your racing thoughts. The warmth and excitement from last night’s escapade was beginning to ebb away, displaced by overwhelming anxiety. 

There was something wrong with Sugawara. There was no doubt about it. But, you couldn’t help the niggling voice in the back of your head that was telling you it was all your fault. 

Was this a mistake? Was Sugawara regretting what happened yesterday?   
  
Oh God.Your stomach dipped at the thought.   
  
You slipped out of the room, nibbling unconsciously at your lip. You entered the kitchen and noticed Sugawara with his back to you. His head was hanging low and he had a vice-like grip on the kitchen counter. You couldn’t see his face but you knew that he was grimacing, the tenseness within his body alarming you. 

Suddenly, his head whipped around to look at you causing you both to jump with surprise.

“Shit, (Y/N)” He muttered, “You scared me.” 

He broke out of his trance, whirring back to life like a machine. He flung open cabinets and clanged kitchenware, preparing two mugs of tea as he hustled over to the kettle. 

“Earl Grey, alright for you?” 

You hummed a response, not agreeing or disagreeing.  
  
You couldn’t care less about the tea. 

“I think I’ll have some chamomile.” He murmured. Was he talking to hide his own unease or was it to cover this deafening silence? 

“Koushi.”   
  
He closed his eyes. The kettle was beginning to bubble. 

“Kou?” His back was to you again, his knuckles white as he gripped one of the mugs. “Please don’t shut me out.” 

The kettle was screeching now. A grating scream that you were both pretending not to acknowledge. It was all reaching boiling point. 

“Koushi!” 

“Tea first!” 

Your mouth slid open, the words dying on your lips. He had whipped around to face you once more, nothing but desperation in his soft hazel eyes. He was pleading, begging you without the need for words. 

So, you played along. 

You accepted his tea, you held on to his hand when he extended his own and you allowed yourself to be led to the table. 

His eyes stayed glued to the table, whilst one hand was wrapped around your own, a little too tightly for it to be confortable.

It was there that the two of you sat in silence. You sipped your tea and he drank his. Not a word was uttered as you both immersed yourself in to this world of play-pretend. If you tried hard enough, maybe the two of you could just about get through it. Pretend everything was okay, and go back to cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in bed. Bask in that sweet afterglow that comes after a night of making love. 

This was all wrong. This was not how this was meant to go. At all. 

“What’s wrong Koushi?” You asked slowly, enunciating every word. And once you forced that phrase out, you held your breath—because as much as you longed to find out the answer, you equally didn’t want to know either.

He finally looked up at you, and you knew.

Something in you knew before he could even utter that awful phrase. Your anxieties were warranted, you had guessed correctly and yet when he spoke next, you still couldn’t stop your heart breaking to pieces. 

“This was a mistake.” 

It was like crystal shattering into millions of shards. Loud, devastating and destructive, you were sure that it rivalled that of a demolition crew. Yet, you could only exhale a shaky breath as you fisted the baggy joggers you had borrowed. 

“Oh God, no...That’s not what I meant—“ 

The screech of your chair interrupted him. You stood up harshly causing the chair to scatter backwards from the quick movement, before slamming the mug that was in your hand on the table and storming out the kitchen. You didn’t know what you were feeling, this intense amalgamation of emotions was just too complex to decipher, so you opted to just get the hell out as fast as possible. 

Suga was hot on your tail, desperate to rectify his mistake. 

“Y/N!” He called, desperation laced in his voice as he staggered after you. “Y/N, please!” 

You stepped into his bedroom, grabbing a handful of your clothes off the floor and some other belongings of yours that you had before shoving them haphazardly into the small bag you had brought along with you. Tears stung your eyes but you forced them back, pressing your lips into a straight line. He was screaming your name now but you could barely even hear him. Your only focus on staying—trying—to stay calm and not letting the pain overwhelm you. 

He finally grabbed your arm, stopping your movements. “Y/N, please.” His voice was shaking. You saw the watery look in his eye and that just made you want to cry even more. “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. That came out completely wrong but I need you to listen to me.” 

_You_ needed to listen to _him_. After all he had done, he still wanted something. You shook your head, dropping the bag on your shoulder and covering your eyes. 

The fucking audacity. 

“I can’t believe it.” Your voice was muffled by your own hands. “I can’t fucking believe it.” 

“I—“ 

“No, Sugawara!” Your head snapped up to look at him, your voice raw yet you refused to be spoken over any more. He winced at your volume, pressing his lip into a thin line.   
  
Sugawara. 

Not Koushi. Not Kou, as you liked to call him. The formality shouldn’t have cut him so deep, but it did—and it _hurt_. 

“Here’s what’s going to happen...” You inhaled a deep shaky breath and tried desperately to calm yourself down.

It was to no avail but you forced yourself to continue anyway, your voice hoarse and unstable, “I’m gonna pack up my stuff, leave this apartment and head back to my dorm.” You hugged yourself tightly, nails digging into the flesh of your arms yet you didn’t even register the pain. 

He opened his mouth, daring to interject but you shut him down faster than he could draw a breath.”—And _you...”_ you poked your finger into his chest, a little too hard,”...are going to shut up, sit down and leave me alone whilst I do it.” 

_Don’t_ let him see you break. _Never_ let them see you break. 

His eyes flitted down to your clenched fists and the unmissable way that they shook as you glared at him with pure poison in your eyes. He had never seen you like this before. He never wanted to see you like this at all. That venom seeped out from you, an intangible wave of malice that pummelled his heart. He clutched his own chest as if he had been shot, desperately trying to alleviate this pain. 

He nodded, silent tears streaming down his beautiful face as he complied. Closing his bedroom door and, finally, leaving you alone.  
  
Your vision blurred with tears of your own, sniffling hard as you grabbed whatever and stuffed it in your backpack. You felt everything and nothing all at once, it was so strange yet some small part of you—that tiny voice in the back of your head—was smug, you knew this was coming. 

It was too good to be true, wasn’t it? 

Slinging your bag on your shoulder and scooping up your jacket, you were ready to leave. You glanced around his bedroom, rubbing at your teary eyes and trying so desperately not to reminisce about the passion you had shared the previous night, just as his smartphone, that lay on the dresser, pinged with a message.  
  
Despite your heartbroken state, you still couldn’t kill your curiosity. Perhaps if you had, this pain wouldn’t be so unbearable.

**_Flash_ **

_**Sorry if I said anything out of line.**  
11:06_

**_You two aren’t good together. You know I just wanna protect her.  
_ ** _just now_

_  
_The phone clattered out of your hand.

You weren’t concerned whether or not it was damaged. That numbness you had briefly slipped in to was fading, embers of rage quickly replacing it.   
  
Flash was involved in this. 

The sting of betrayal from, not one, but two people that you loved and cared about—it was enough to drive you crazy. The heartbreak was pushed aside for now, too occupied on being absolutely pissed. Your face burned with frustration as hot angry tears slipped down your cheeks.  
  
The bedroom door slamming open shocked Koushi from his seat on the couch. He looked horrified to see you. 

You held each others gaze momentarily. It was only a second but it felt like a lifetime. He was hunched over, sobbing silently into his hands from where he sat.   
  
You walked past him defiantly, ignoring his watery red eyes. If you looked at him too long, you were certain you were going to punch him in the face. 

“Please, Y/N.” He snivelled, “Just let me explain.”   
  
Your hand went to the doorknob but Sugawara beat you to it. He leaned his whole bodyweight on the front door, stopping you in your tracks. 

“I didn’t...still don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Well, it’s too late for that!” You slipped your bag off your shoulder, throwing your arms out explosively. “I’m hurt! I’m so fucking hurt!” 

Snot was leaking out of your nose as you finally let yourself cry. You covered your mouth with your hand as you stood there, bawling like a little kid. 

“If you wanted to hookup, you didn’t have to lie and say you loved me.” You said ever so faintly between hiccuping breaths. 

“It wasn’t a lie!” He cried back, without missing a beat. 

You were both huddled round the door, screaming and wailing right in each others faces.

“I’m so stupid.” You barked out a painful laugh, the salt of tears in your mouth and on your face was a cruel smirk. “I really thought you were different, but I guess all guys are the same.” 

“Don’t go.” Koushi’s voice was tiny and small, cracking at the end of his sentence. “Please. I really do love you.”

His hand slipped from the handle, dropping pathetically to his side as he pleaded with you, one last time.   
  
You pulled open the door, throwing all your emotions into a final calloused glance over your shoulder, 

“Stay away from me, Sugawara.” 

Sugawara was one second away from a meltdown. There was nothing more he could do. It was absolute torture having you so close to him, yet so distant; like trying to grab on to sand and having to watch it slip right through his fingers. 

“And tell my brother the same too.”   
  
The door slammed in his face. 


	9. Let Me Forget You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath hehe
> 
> TW: Heavy drug use, drug abuse?
> 
> Enjoy :)

Daichi Sawamura let out a loud, crass belch, much to the amusement of the group of guys that were hanging out in his and Sugawara’s shared apartment. 

“You’re gross dude.” Asahi Azumane whined, passing a bong to the left of him to a snickering Nishinoya, who was sitting cross legged on the carpet.

Daichi had returned back home last week to find Sugawara buried on the couch, a lifeless zombie compared to his usually calm, together demeanour. 

The litter of beer bottles on the floor had told him that something was very, very wrong with his friend. Sugawara hardly drank even when he was amongst friends, opting for a singular drink only on special occasions. 

So this onset alcoholism was a little worrying, to say the least. He hadn’t seen Y/N since he had walked in on you, and when he mentioned her name to Sugawara, the vicious glare that was sent his way shut him right up. He didn’t know that his usually warm friend had it in him to look so terrifying. 

So Daichi kept his mouth shut, but he knew that there was something amiss.

What that something was remained a mystery to the dark haired man. But he had a hunch that it had something to do with a pretty, little thing named Y/N

Daichi had invited a few mutual friends around, hoping that their presence would cheer a mopey Sugawara up. 

A little sesh couldn’t hurt, right? 

Nishinoya passed the bong back to Daichi. “So what’s your cousin saying?” 

Daichi leaned backwards, inhaling slowly before smoke wafted out of his nose and mouth. He shut his eyes for a second, letting the buzz run through him from his large hit.   
  
He knew exactly what Noya was asking. Daichi’s cousin was a distributor of sorts. He got the stuff, Daichi and some other guys sold it. Sugawara wasn’t an official dealer, but he occasionally helped out Daichi for the extra cash. 

Nishinoya was one hit short of a fucking aneurysm. The amount of molly and acid he took on a regular was very worrying. It was a surprise that his brain wasn’t scrambled yet, and this fondness for uppers meant that he would always come crawling back to Daichi when his serotonin was running low.

“Getting some tabs next friday, straight from Amsterdam. Purest shit that you’ll find.” 

“That’s what I like to hear.” Nishinoya giggled with glee like a little schoolgirl, clapping his hands in excitement. 

Tanaka stirred from his spot on the floor, his back pressed against the wall and his legs flung out in front of him like a starfish. His eyes were an intense red and his mouth was agape as he slipped back into stillness, staring aimlessly at the ceiling—too high to do anything else. 

“He talks a big game but he always pussies out first,” Daichi chuckled heartily, pointing at his skin headed friend, “look, two hits and he’s already gone.” 

Sugawara sat in the loveseat on the opposite side of the room, smoking a spliff of his own in brooding silence as the room exploded into raucous laughter, once more. 

He tried to hide the frown on his face that relayed how much he didn’t want to be here. Wallowing in his pain was not a good alternative but he’d much rather do that, then force it down and have to pretend that everything was fine in front of his friends. 

He tried to relax, attempting to enjoy the blissful fuzzy feeling of being under the influence. 

But this buzz wasn’t enough. He wanted more. 

He craved more.   
_  
I miss her._

He couldn’t be alone with his thoughts anymore. It had been almost a week and he still felt like shit. So, he opted to smoke his feelings away...

Clearly, it wasn’t working.

“Yo?” 

Nishinoya was looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer. 

“Huh?,” He ashed the rest of his spliff, rubbing the back of his neck with a heavy sigh.”Sorry, I spaced out.” 

“I _said,_ ” His friends all glanced at him suspiciously _,_ “Are you alright?” 

Sugawara rolled his eyes and gave a curt “fine,” which was spoken a little too quickly for it to be honest. 

Concern shone in Asahi’s eyes despite the slight red tint, but Daichi and Noya were too far gone to let Suga’s bad mood get them down. 

“Nah he’s not.” Daichi guffawed, “he’s been like this since I got back. My guess is that his girlfriend dumped his ass.” 

“You have a girlfriend?” Asahi and Noya spoke simultaneously. 

“Daichi shut the fuck up.” He mumbled under his breath, grabbing the rolling papers from the table as he prepared another joint. Daichi was always a little too mouthy whenever he was under the influence. It was rather irritating. 

“Had.” Daichi corrected, ignoring his roommate, “I guess they aren’t fucking anymore though.” 

“I swear to God...”

”You know I caught them going at it in the kitchen once.”  
  
Sugawara stood up angrily, tucking his perfectly rolled joint behind his silvery hair and storming off into the direction of his bedroom. 

“Aww come on dude.” Daichi drawled as Noya annoyingly burst out laughing once more.

”You know I’m just messin’ with ya.” 

He snagged two beers off the table as he stomped past, ignoring his roommate completely, before violently slamming his door. 

He collapsed on the bed, cracking open his can and downing half of its contents with light speed.

He knew he was being childish, but Daichi had crossed a line. He tried to calm himself down, feeling his pulse race in his eardrums as the muscles in his brows twitched from his excessive scowl. 

He popped the joint in his mouth, lighting it up and taking a long, slow drag. 

He didn’t even notice that he had unlocked his phone, entered his text messages and brought up your name.

His fingers hovered over the keypad as he smoked. He wanted nothing more than to see your face, see that sweet smile that you had only for him, listen to your voice—even one stupid fucking text would suffice. 

He’d take whatever you gave him. 

But you didn’t want anything to do with him. His heart clutched as he remembered your poisonous last words,

_Stay away from me, Sugawara_

So he sat there, imagining all the different things he wanted to text you, everything that he wanted to say as he smoked himself silly and drank more than he should have. 

He just wanted you back.

* * *

When you had first returned back to your dorm room after the ordeal with Sugawara, you had sobbed into your pillow for hours on end. 

The sorrow and hurt had set in as you quickly realised that the best thing to happen to you had now come to a pitiful end.

Through the heartbreak and despair, you were lucky enough to have your friends to fall back on. You may have cried your eyes out enough to fill a reservoir but Yachi and Mai were there to wipe away the tears and reassure you that everything would be okay.   
  
And so when Mai proposed (more like forced) a girl’s night in—two days after the breakup—,you had no choice but to attend. Even if your heart wasn’t in it. 

Well it didn’t matter what your heart was saying because the excessive amount of alcohol did all the talking for you.   
  
You had gotten so drunk that night that you had forgotten your commitment to ignore your brother;

_**The girls desperately tried to snatch the phone away from you but you locked yourself in the ensuite. You decided to send Flash a** **rather scornful voicemail. You hissed into the phone, your sadness transforming into rage.**_

**‘ _How fucking dare you meddle with my love life. How absolutely fucking dare you.’_**

**_You hissed down the receiver. Once the words had started, you couldn’t stop their venomous outpour. Outside, you could hear Yachi banging and pleading with you to come out._ **

‘ _ **Do you just hate to see me happy? Is that what it is? The attention has always got to be on you. Do you know how much you’ve taken from me, Flash? I just wanted this one thing. This one thing for me, but no, you had to go and ruin this as well.’**_

_**You were a drunken mess now, your slurring barely intelligible as you screamed.** _

_**‘You ruined my childhood, now you’re ruining my college years too. Fuck you, Flash. I hate you and I hate him too** ’_

**_Mai and Yachi tumbled into the bathroom, kicking down the door and most likely breaking the lock.  
_ **

**_The phone slipped out of your hand as you racked with sobs, your face contorting as you screamed your throat raw. They wrapped their arms around you, shushing you and rocking you as you broke down for the umpteenth time on the bathroom floor._ ** **_  
_**

**_The alcohol wasn’t helping anymore. It just made everything more painful.  
_ ** ****

**_And so, you only had a couple of seconds to wriggle out of their grasp until you were throwing up violently in the toilet. Coughing and spewing, until you thought you were going to pass out.  
_ ** ****

**_Yachi stroked your hair softly, as you leaned up against the toilet. You craned your neck around to look at her, and gave her the most haunting smile she had ever witnessed. Pain in your eyes, mascara mingling with the tears streaming down your cheeks.  
_ **

**_You barked out mirthless laughter, “Ya’ know, he didn’t even respect me enough to wear a condom.”  
_ ** **_  
You chuckled until your amusement morphed into another bout of nausea._ ** **_  
_**

You had woken up the very next day with a severe hangover and a mountain of regrets.   
  
You had opted for the cowardice route; guilty but still hurt, and finally decided to block, both, your brother and Sugawara’s numbers. 

* * *

Sugawara Koushi knew that he was a flawed guy. He could list off his every fault until the cows came home. However, the one thing he prided himself on was his discipline. 

Unlike his peers, when he was younger Sugawara was capable of not falling victim to peer pressure. Even throughout his days spent with Flash, he was able to maintain control, be it drugs, alcohol or whatever. Until you came along.

With you, there was no discipline. He just couldn't help himself.

And it was this (rare) lack of discipline that caused him to be puking out his guts on the bathroom floor of his shared apartment.

His desire to get insanely cross-faded had maybe been a little too ambitious. He knew that he had overdone it with the drinking and the smoking, but anything was better than this constant agony. How could one girl make him feel like this? How could one person have the power to breathe life into you and in the very next moment, destroy your entire world? He thought about this as he gripped the toilet bowl, eyes red and body shaking. 

Lost in thought, he barely even noticed the creak of the bathroom door as a burly, long-haired friend popped his head in. It had to be very early morning. Everyone else had passed out in the living room, the muted dialogue of some forgotten netflix show serving as white noise in the background. 

"Are you good?" Asahi whispered, concern lacing his tone. 

Sugawara's response was another bout of violent heaving. His silvery hair clinging to his sweaty, pallid face. He vowed to never get high again.

Eventually, he was able to lift his head and he muttered a quiet 'thanks' as a cool bottle of water was pressed into his hand. 

He gulped half the bottle down, relishing in how much relief it provided. He was still greened out and nauseous, but small steps, right? He sat and drank silently, sweaty and shivering with his legs crossed. Asahi leant against the closed bathroom door, his gaze landing anywhere but Suga. Sugawara's phone was on the other side of the bathroom floor, vibrating constantly with incoming texts and phone calls. 

"Don't drink too fast, you'll get sick again." 

"I know." Suga snapped, glaring up at him through bloodshot eyes.

Asahi moved to open up the tiny window that was in the corner of the bathroom. The buzz of outside traffic danced around the tiny bathroom, along with a cool breeze that both men appreciated as the smell and the swelling heat of the room was becoming a little overbearing. 

"Are you going to tell me why you're upset, or are you gonna continue pouting like a baby?"

Sugawara ignored him, instead he moved to get up in order to get his phone. He needed to see if there was any setting to mute the damn thing in its entirety! Silent mode isn't very silent if it fucking vibrates.

“Sit down, dude.” Asahi sighed, bending down and picking up the phone. “I’ll get it.” 

He glanced at the lockscreen. It was a picture of Sugawara beaming at the camera as a pretty girl pressed her lips to his chin. He looked so happy and care-free that it made Asahi frown as he looked at the miserable, husk of a man trembling in front of him.

“She’s pretty.” He remarked, as he handed him his phone back.   
  
“I know.” Suga sighed sadly. He stared at his lockscreen, fading back into happier times. 

“What happened?” 

Sugawara’s lower lip trembled. “I fucked up, Asahi.” He finally looked up at his friend. Asahi felt his stomach drop as he saw the emotion swimming in his wet eyes. 

Asahi Azumane had not known Sugawara for the longest time, having only know him for a couple of years when he first moved. But he was aware of the kind, warm and compassionate man that Sugawara Koushi was capable of being, and to see him so utterly defeated, it was like watching a flame dwindle out into nothingness. It was just tragic. 

“Do you love her?” Asahi was on the floor now too, his thick eyebrows raised as he waited for a response. 

“More than anything.” Sugawara responded with absolute certainty. He was beginning to sober up a little now, a blessing and a curse. The latter, because he was being reminded of just how much he missed you as the seconds ticked by. 

“Well...” Asahi scratched his trimmed beard, trying to think of something helpful to say. “Give it some time, Koushi. You need to heal. And when you do, if you still feel the same way, go back and get her.” 

They fell back into comfortable silence. Outside, an ambulance raced noisily by, music to listen to as Sugawara mulled over his friends advice. 

“Thanks Asahi.”

”No problem, Koush.”

Asahi chuckled, elated that his friend was able to crack a smile, albeit a subdued, sad smile. But a smile, all the same. It was progress.   
  
Then the phone rang again. 

The relaxed silence twisted into an intense, uncomfortable atmosphere within a blink of an eye. Asahi Azumane watched as the smile on Suga’s face contorted into a grimace of complete rage, just as rapidly. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Sugawara snarled as he snatched the phone up and put it to his ear.

Asahi was taken aback. He had never once in his life seen his friend act in such an outward display of anger. He felt sorry for whoever was on the phone with him, and maybe a little apprehensive too. 

“Yeah, I’ve been ignoring you, so what?” He hissed, after a brief pause. There was still a slur in his words, emphasising that he was still very heavily under the influence.

Asahi sat uncomfortably. He debated whether or not to leave, feeling as if he was intruding on a very, private conversation. Sugawara did not seem to mind though. Even less so, as he placed the phone down on the floor and put it on speaker.

He reached for the water, feeling his nausea coming back as he cradled his head in his hands. 

“Fuck you, Suga.” A voice, Asahi didn’t quite recognise but Suga was well equated with, grunted back. “It’s not my fault. And I don’t know why you and (Y/N) have made me out to be the bad guy.”   
  
“Just leave me alone, Flash.” He groaned, rubbing his temples in frustration, “Fuck, I think I’m gonna be sick again.” He mumbled to himself.   
  
“Don’t I get the right to be pissed off?” Flash spat. 

”No!”

”Well I should! (Y/N) blocked me yanno’, my own sister. You should have heard what she said in that voicemail.”   
  
“Cry about it.” Suga responded apathetically. He lifted his head out of his hands, and reached for his phone. He should have never answered in the first place. “Bye.” 

“No, no, wait.” Flash rushed quickly, “I heard something in her voicemail that I wasn’t meant to. She left the phone on accidentally. I think she was drunk.”

Suga’s finger hovered over the disconnect button, his curiosity now piqued. “What?” 

“S-She...She said you didn’t use protection.”

The panic that laced through him was foreign and nauseating. That terrible aching deep in the pit of his stomach suddenly increased tenfold. Suga sat frozen, his eyes the size of saucers. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He had completely forgotten. How could he have forgotten something so important. 

“Suga, what if she’s pre—“

He clicked the phone call off.

Just in time too, as the water he recently drank made an appearance again. He vomited violently, his oesaphagus burning as he gripped the toilet bowl once more. 

Asahi swallowed hard, blinking at the information he just heard. Before running off to get some more water for his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cross-faded=mixture of drunk and high.  
> Just in case you didn’t know
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I think it shows that Sugawara is still capable of slipping into old habits when he’s in crisis—and also, you should probably get your drinking in order :]
> 
> I think this fic will be ending soon. A couple more chapters perhaps.  
> Any ideas about an ending? I have my own idea but I’m all ears :)


	10. A Case of the Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for you to get back out there. You can’t be heartbroken forever, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support  
> Enjoy :D
> 
> I had to split this up as it was too long. The next chapters will be more eventful.

The first week is always the hardest. That’s what they all said.

Boy, were they correct.   
  
And after that agonising first week, came another equally agonising second week. But the third week is when it all began to change. And though you’re devastation was no longer agonising, it didn’t mean that you were pain free. 

Slowly, little by little, you began to assimilate back into normal life. It was difficult. It was uncomfortable. It made you want to crawl back in to bed half the time. But eventually you did it. 

You carried that heavy weight on you, all the time. No one else could tell. Mai and Yachi were thrilled that you were finally moving on, at least that’s what they were lead to believe. They couldn’t see how sorrow marred your features; it tainted the edge of your smiles, seeped into laughter and dampened that, once bright, sparkle in your eye.   
  
And you hoped to never let them see it. Sweeping your vulnerability under the rug just as quickly as it came. You put your brave face on.

Like you always had to do.   
  


It was a chilly Sunday afternoon, almost evening. The sun setting as a cold breeze swept through your campus. You had somehow found yourself out of your dorm building and on a walk, hoping that the fresh air would do you some good. 

In recent times, you had lost your appetite opting to go and stretch your legs instead of sitting down and eating. You trudged until your legs ached and there were callouses on your feet, blasting music loudly so that you could get out of your own head.

Today was no different and when you stopped for a moment to catch your breath for a second, you were interrupted by a certain someone. 

“Hey beautiful,” a distinguishable purr, you turned around to a smirking Terushima Yuuji, his hands buried deep into his fashionable, winter coat. “I thought it was you.” 

Oh great.   
  
“Terushima.” You greeted, not even bothering to smile.

If he noticed your lack of enthusiasm, he didn’t say anything. His kilowatt smile increased tenfold, “how are you doing little lady?” 

You sighed internally. Out of all the people...

He looked around expectantly, not even waiting for your response. “You on your own?”   
  
You gave him a subdued smile and nodded. 

“Perfect.” He chuckled, a flash of his tongue ring as it darted out to wet his lips. “Let’s talk.” 

And so on this Sunday evening you found yourself walking through the city, Terushima tagging along next to you. His mouth was going a mile a minute, clearly enjoying the sound of his own voice. However, this time it was quite amicable—still irritating in a sense, but not on the same level as his previous egotistical droning. Like a little puppy, noisy but you just can’t deny how adorable it is. 

He must have caught on to just how much you wanted to get rid of him. So he was doing everything within his power to stick to you, like glue on paper. 

Eventually his little jokes and anecdotes began to dote on you. There was something in his joyful spirit that was beginning to rub off and so when you two had finally grown tired of the chilly weather, you weren’t entirely opposed when he suggested ‘a quick drink just to warm up’. 

The two of you found yourself in a homely bar. Rustic decor and greenery dotted about the place. There was the buzz of the afternoon crowd, not too empty, not too packed. You took it all in; the low chatter, the soft background music, the savoury scent of something cooking. Something in you jolted, a now dormant feeling of ‘everything ain’t too bad’ being relit in your veins once more. 

This was the most human you were feeling in a long time. 

The two of you sat on stools next to the bar. You sipped on a rum and coke— swiftly shutting down Terushima’s idea of doing shots —each swig pulling more and more conversation out of you. 

You learnt about his athletic abilities. He was on an esteemed volleyball team, even playing at nationals. It was the most serious you had seen him act in...well, since you met the guy. 

The more you learnt about Terushima, the more guilty you felt about your initial impression of him. You liked him like this; funny, sweet and honest. You had no idea who that other guy you had met, a few months back, was, but this was an entirely different person.

“Are you seeing anyone, right now?”

The question made you freeze. You picked up and set down your drink, racking your brain with a response. You opted for the truth, noting how difficult it was to spit it out. “No, actually. We...uh, broke up not too long ago.” 

“Shit.” He scratched his chin, frowning. “Sorry about that.” 

You waved it off. Shit, maybe a round of shots wouldn’t be too bad.

”Fuck him. You can do better.”   
  
You stared motionless at your glass, a pang in your chest that you forced yourself to ignore.

”How about you?” You rushed, desperate to change the conversation. 

A wolfish smirk. “Well I’ve got my eyes on someone.” 

“Yeah?” You looked at him from the corner of your eye, sipping your drink. His ambiguity not going unmissed. “Tell me about her.” 

“She’s beautiful, hilarious and I’m really attracted to her.” His eyes weren’t leaving yours and you noticed how he had leant in to you slightly.

It was getting increasingly hotter in the little bar. Your thoughts were beginning to race as something flickered in Terushima’s eyes. How the hell had you gotten yourself in this situation?

He smiled once more then laughed. A huge, raucous belly laugh that had a couple of heads turning. 

“I can see the gears in your head turning.”   
  
You could only respond with a confused, “Huh?” 

“It’s Yachi. I really like Yachi, (Y/N)” 

Relief flooded your veins, before the embarrassment trickled in. Were you really so self-absorbed you thought this guy, practically a stranger, was going to confess his love to you? And it was painfully obvious as well, your expression revealing all. 

“You should have seen the look on your face.” 

“You’re a fucking asshole.” You shoved him playfully, chuckling along with him.   
  
“Got a laugh out of you, though.” He winked, flagging down the bartender and ordering another. 

It was at this moment, you had decided that being friends with Terushima maybe wasn’t too bad.   
  


You had left the bar feeling lighter than you had, when you entered. The alcohol made you smile and giggle at Terushima’s lame attempts at humour, instead of sighing and rolling your eyes. And as you walked the distance back, enjoying the giddiness of it all—you hadn’t even noticed how his arm had looped through your own. 

“I thought you were annoying as fuck when I met you.” You blurted randomly. You regretted it as soon as it left your lips, but Terushima looked completely unfazed.   
  
His lips turned upwards, a soft laugh escaping him. “You’d be surprised how much I get that.” 

“No...I just m-meant that—“

”It’s fine, honestly.” He glanced at you, the streetlights illuminating his handsome face. “I’m not offended.” 

“Now that I’ve met you properly, I can see you’re a good guy.” 

“Yeah?” 

You nodded, “Drop the macho shit, and you’ll be perfect.”

He chuckled once more, his cheeks reddened from the cold and the booze. “I don’t mean to be an asshole, you know.” His gaze drifted to the evening sky, stars dotted the horizon despite it still being relatively early. “I just...” He trailed off.   
  
You waited patiently, your synchronised footsteps filling the silence. 

“I don’t know why I do it. I just...do. I mean what else is there to me? My intelligence? Yeah, so what. Volleyball? There’s a ton of other guys who are better than me?” He sighed heavily, eyes still directed upwards. “I just get scared sometimes yanno. So I play this...part, I guess? I don’t even feel like _I_ know who the real me is.” 

You had latched on to him tightly as he spoke. You hung on to his every word, vulnerability seeping deep into his voice.   
Just like everyone else, Terushima Yuuji had his flaws. You had fallen for his act, hook, line and sinker. You played right in to his insecurities

You wondered what had happened in Terushima’s past to cause him to act in such a way. 

“Sometimes, I go on the offensive. Self-sabotage, I guess. If I push you away, then you can’t hurt me.” His eyes finally flitted to yours, “If I’m in the wrong, then I only have myself to blame.” 

There was a pregnant pause.

He forced an awkward laugh, scratching his head with his free hand. “Sorry about all of that, liquor gets me talking.” 

“Terushima, you have been talking non-stop, even before we started drinking.”   
  
You two were nearing the university campus when conversation fell to your wingwoman abilities. 

“You’ll put in a good word for me, yeah?”

”You’ve just gotta open up to Yachi. It’s not hard. She likes sweet guys, and you’ve shown that you can be a nice guy today.” 

He blinked at you. “So you’ll talk to her tomorrow?” He asked, ignoring you completely. 

“I’m not doing the hard work for you.”

“But I’ve already fucked up my chances with her.” He whined. 

“If you really think so, then why would me saying anything change that?” You shrugged. 

He stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes narrowed as he huffed a dramatic sigh. 

“You’re the worst wingwoman in the world!” 

The rest of the journey was in comfortable silence. Terushima having, presumably, worn his voice out. 

Except for one conversation that struck you, replaying it over and over in your head as you walked: 

”Can bad people change?” His voice was soft and had taken on that vulnerable edge that was present earlier. 

”Well if a bad person changes, they are no longer bad.” You had shared a look, your mind whirring as you questioned what that meant exactly.

* * *

  
You almost felt sad upon seeing your dorm building. You had really appreciated the time you had spent with Terushima today. 

“Thank you, Terushima.” You smiled at him, a toothy, genuine smile that you thought didn’t exist anymore, “I hope I didn’t make you walk too far.” 

“Call me Yuuji, and don’t worry about it. I’m honestly not too far from here.” 

Your arms are still linked as you make the sharp left turn on to the path that leads to your building. 

Terushima doesn’t miss the way you halt, your whole body stiffening. 

He turns to you, confused. He follows your gaze, a doe-eyed hazy look in your eyes, to a guy sitting on the bench outside.   
  
He’s hunched over, hands clasped in front of him as he sits. There’s an intense brooding look on his face as he takes in the two of you, linked together like best friends. 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to sense how uncomfortable this man is making you.

So Terushima does what he does best, he tries to be an asshole. 

Instinctively, Terushima’s long arm is wrapped around your waist—pulling you closer in to him, a smug look engrained on his face which he quickly hides with concern as he faces you. 

“Need me to walk you to your dorm room?” His voice is loud enough, so that the man on the bench can hear.   
  
His antagonising works as he’s on his feet instantly, storming up to you—that dazed look still on your beautiful face.   
  
“Hey—“

“Five minutes, that’s it. Just give me five minutes.” 

Terushima is cut off and you’re finally brought back to earth. His voice is low and off, but it’s been so long...too long, since you’ve heard it. 

I miss you.   
  
It’s all you can feel, encased in Terushima’s arms, the wind whipping around you. I miss you.

_Imissyouimissyouimissyou._

It’s like a chemical in your brain. It latches on to the blood that’s supplying your body, every pump of your traitorous heart revealing how much you ache for this man.

“Dude, she doesn’t wanna talk to you.”   
  
The dark look that swept over Koushi’s face had the blood in your veins turning to icy slush, and it wasn’t even directed at you. It was terrifying. A distinguishable change from his usual, easygoing demeanour. 

“Hey, Terushima.” You had to say something, the tension becoming so palpable you could taste it. “It’s okay, thank you though.” You attempted to keep your voice steady, hoping that it relayed the message that he needed to get lost for now.

Terushima gave your shoulder a reluctant squeeze, glaring at Sugawara as he mumbled a goodbye under his breath. 

“Let’s do this again sometime.” 

“Yeah, it was fun. Thanks.” You forced a smile as he walked off, your good mood quickly crashing as you stared back into familiar hazel eyes. 

You meant every word though, if you were able to see this side of Terushima Yuuji you had no qualms about befriending him. 

The irritated scowl on Suga’s face showed that, while you didn’t mind Terushima, he certainly had a problem with it. 

He glowered at his retreating figure until he was certain that he was gone before his gaze slid over to you. 

“Isn’t that the guy you said you didn’t like?” There was accusation in his tone and it rubbed you the wrong way. “...Now you’re all buddy buddy?”

“And you told me you loved me?” You bit back. If he wanted to get jealous, then you were going to get spiteful. “Then used me for sex.” 

The words left your mouth before you realised you said them.

He reeled back like you slapped him, his jaw going slack. He blinked at you like he couldn’t believe what you had just said. “Is that really what you think of me?”   
  
You stared at the ground defiantly. There was a lump in your throat now, and it was growing exponentially with every second you spent near him. 

“Y/N, please.” He sounded like he was in pain, his voice strained and wobbly. “I love you. I really do love you, what is it going to take to get you to believe me?”   
  
“Why are you here, Suga?” You bit your lip and turned your head to the side, refusing to look at him. His declarations meant nothing. You were just another notch in his bedpost. 

“I’m here because I want you back!” He flung his arms out in exasperation, “I never wanted you to go in the first place! And I’m sorry that you feel this way but-“

”—But what!?” Your voice was rising now too, the fact that you were standing outside your dorm building quickly forgotten in this, very public, heated discussion. “I’m sorry that you feel this way?” You dropped your voice an octave and pulled a face as you mimicked him. “That’s not a fucking apology! How about sorry for giving me false hope? Or maybe sorry for making you feel like a cheap whore, Y/N? Or maybe sorry for not wearing a goddamn condom?”

The words fizzled out on Sugawara’s tongue. His mind buzzed with static as he struggled to remember the reason why he was yelling at you.

“Y—You’re...Are you—“

“I’m not pregnant.” You muttered out, “You can relax dumbass.” 

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. The problematic situation fading out of existence just as quickly as it came. 

He noticed the teary look in your eyes. He knew this wasn’t the first time he made you cry. He hoped it would be the last. 

“I hope that you don’t go around having unprotected sex regularly.”   
  
He dragged a hand down his face in annoyance, choosing to ignore that last statement. This wasn’t getting him anywhere.   
  
“Can we...talk?” He looked to your dorm, his eyebrows raising with hope. “Like, properly talk?”

You looked at him with nothing but contempt. You brushed past his shoulder slightly, ignoring his request as you walked over to the double doors. 

Sugawara Koushi let out a defeated sigh.

He watched you buzz yourself in with your electronic key and fling the door open angrily.  
  
You held it open. Your manicured nails drumming impatiently as you looked back at him over your shoulder, expectant yet hostile. 

Sugawara was too shocked to say anything. 

Fearing that you would change your mind, he hastily jogged over. It was something out of a comic book, the two of you settling into your respective roles;

Him, the dutiful puppy. You, the seething owner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the next couple of chapters planned out and im lowkey excited. 
> 
> You know I couldn’t go with the pregnancy cliche. Not in this book at least. 
> 
> Terushima/Reader? Anyone? 
> 
> Feedback appreciated :)


	11. Jeopardy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for a chat.
> 
> Unedited like a mf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, as it’s the leftovers from the last one. :)

You trudged up the stairs, your eyes glued to your feet. Your footsteps were echoed by his heavier ones. 

Not a sound was made between the two of you as you ascended.   
  
There was no lift in your building, and for some reason you were a little grateful. You internally shivered at the thought of being stuck in a lift with Koushi Sugawara—the discomfort would probably be ten times greater. 

You were on the 3rd floor now. Yachi’s floor.   
  
You put a little more haste in your steps. She would be so disappointed if she saw you with him. Wasn’t this rule no. 1 of breakups?—never run back to your ex.   
  
You paled. 

If Yachi found out, then she would most definitely let Mai know too. That was a code red. 

“You okay?”

You were so engrossed in your hypothetical panic, you didn’t realise that you had stopped walking. 

You swallowed harshly and gave him a nod. 

_Let’s just get this shit over with_.

* * *

Jasmine. 

It’s what Koushi smells first. He’s not even stepped fully in to your room yet and he can already sense it. 

It’s fresh, it’s light and it’s you. 

It’s all you. 

Fuck, this was a mistake.

He knows that this is a mistake. It’s in the way that his heart lurches as he inhales deeply, takes it all in...takes you in and, bam, he’s done for. He’s under your spell just like that. 

You click the door shut and shrug off your heavy coat. Your mouth is drier than a desert, and your sandpaper tongue darts out to wet your lips. 

Then you turn around. 

Your eyes finally meet each others, and it’s not like the looks you briefly shared before. It’s not hesitant glances, hostile gazes, no, none of that. 

It’s like you’re seeing one another for the first time again. 

You gasp softly. His eyes are large, wet already. That hazel hue boring deep into the very depth of your soul, and he’s screaming at you. He’s shouting, crying, and he hasn’t even breathed a word yet. There’s no need for words when his eyes tell you everything that you need to know.

That heartbreak mirrors your own, and suddenly your pulled back into those murky depths that you have been fighting to get out of for weeks now. All your hard-work for nothing

This is too much. There’s so many emotions spinning around your little dorm room, and you haven't even spoke yet. 

Sugawara steps forward, but you shrink away from him. 

He casts his eyes to the floor sadly, and backs up again.   
  
You collapse on to the bed, sitting down with a heavy sigh. Yes, you had agreed to talk to him. You had planned a whole speech. You’d rehearsed your conversation in your head multiple times, even before the opportunity presented itself. 

But here, in this moment, it was like you couldn’t even function properly. The words not forming in your head. 

“I love you.” It was soft. So soft that you almost didn’t catch it. He had already told you this before. So why did it sound so different right now? 

He sat down on the bed next to you. Slowly, he extended his arm out, his large hand engulfing your own. His touch was soft, the pads of his fingers ghosting over your skin softly.   
  
“Then why aren’t I enough for you?” Your response was even softer. It was instinctive, really. You didn’t even realise you had spoken. 

His eyes widen, and he stumbles on his own thoughts. Then he’s cupping your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks. He’s hurt. It’s in those sleep-deprived bags under his eyes, but it’s also in the frown that’s painted on his gorgeous face. 

“When did I _ever_ say that?” His voice has an edge to it. He may not like it, but it was the truth. He never explicitly stated it but his actions said it for him. 

“You didn’t have to say it. You showed me. You let Flash get in to your head, you let your own fears and insecurities come between us!” 

He swallowed hard. Everything you were saying was factual. But, to hear you blurt it out like this. He wanted to plug his fingers in his ears and go _la la la_ , like a little kid. That’s all he was. Still that stupid fucking kid, stuck in the past, and fucking up his future. 

“You know I love you Koushi. But, I’m sick and tired of being dragged around by people—I don’t want to be a doormat anymore.” Your eyes were watering, but you weren’t going to cry. You were determined not to cry. Tears wouldn’t solve anything anymore.   
  
“I—“ He cleared his throat. It didn’t help in the slightest. “I’m so sorry.” His voice betrayed him, he was trying to be strong but your tone was telling him that this was goodbye. He just couldn’t be satisfied with that.

You nestled into his embrace. His warm caresses were comforting and painful all at once. You closed your eyes, weighing up your options. Your mind was going a mile a minute, and all you could focus on was the way his thumb was circling your cheek. 

“I forgive you.”   
  
And you meant it. 

Whoosh. It was like a weight had been lifted. You were still feeling everything; all that anger, resentment, sadness, pain but...you were lighter now, in a weird, indescribable way. 

“And I apologise for jumping to conclusions.” 

In your hurt and own self-doubt, you had tried to paint Koushi as the villain- a womaniser, a bad person. But deep down, you knew that wasn't true. Still it felt good to hate someone else. Not anymore though. 

He was flawed—but, he was still Koushi Sugawara, with the honeyed smile and the golden heart. 

He just wasn’t your boyfriend.

”What...” His eyes moved to the floor and then back to your face, settling on your lips momentarily. “What do we..I—I do now?”   
  
“We move on.”   
  
“Move on?” He barked. It made you flinch, but he honestly didn’t care. “I don’t want to move on! Let me...I can commit to you, (Y/N)” 

“Suga, please.” 

His hands had dropped from your face, desperation and anger sewn deep into his expression. His hands balled into fists at his side as he glared defiantly at the floor.   
  
“I’m begging you. Please, just give me a chance. You still love me, right? You said so—“ 

“We’re not doing this Koushi!”

You pressed your lips together as you crossed your arms against your chest. And it was going so well too...

Tears pricked Sugawara’s eyes. His face had grown hot and red in his desperation. You were the only one who could get him in such a state. He opened his mouth, but you cut him off before he started.

”I don’t want to get angry. I don’t want to be sad or upset anymore. I just want us to leave on good terms.” You turned your head to the side, stating at your wall. If you looked at him, you knew that it would be game over for your composure. 

Now that everything was cleared up between you there was nothing else left to say. 

“Look at me, (Y/N)”

Your hands trembled. You continued looking in the other direction. 

“Please, look at me.”

You did as he asked. A lone tear cascaded down his crimson cheeks. Snot was beginning to leak out of his nose too. He was painfully biting his lip, desperately trying to hold back the flood of tears that were threatening to spill over. 

“Is this what you want?”

You sniffled, blinking hard as your vision blurred. You nodded, once, twice.   
  
He stood up gingerly and brushed off his trousers. He walked over to the door, hesitating as his hand closed over the handle. 

“I’m going away next semester. Part of my business course, a year in the industry.” It was random, and unnecessary. His voice cracked as he blurted it out and he looked back at you with hopeful, teary eyes. 

There was a pause. 

“I’ve stopped dealing too.” His voice had risen an octave, it was like he had posed it as a question rather than a random statement.

You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. 

“I wish you well, Koushi.” You forced yourself to stand up, walking over to him. “Good luck.” 

You watched his adam apples bob as he swallowed. 

“Is that it?” His voice was a wretched whine. It had your stomach sinking like a submerged ship. 

_don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry_.

You shouldn’t have done it. 

He shouldn’t have let you.   
  
But when you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down to press a chaste kiss to his lips—it was like common sense had departed from the both of you. 

Your kiss was slow and sweet and sad. It mirrored exactly how the two of you were feeling; torn between what you both wanted and what you knew was best. You both had to restrain yourselves from melting in to one each other. It would have been ten times more lethal, if you had just given in. 

But through unknown restraint, you managed to break apart.

You gave him a watery smile. “Goodbye, Koushi Sugawara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At least you’re on better terms now :/
> 
> The next chapters will be a lot more plot driven. Im excited :D


	12. Endgame

“Yoink!”   
  
Your crisp packet was ripped from your hands. You gave a heavy sigh, seconds away from greedily tearing into it yourself. 

“Give it back, dickhead.” 

Terushima Yuuji gave you that wolfish, mischievous grin he always gave. Before opening the packet and shovelling a handful of the salty snack into his gaping mouth. 

You snatched it back, glaring at him as he plopped down, next to you, on the bench you were sitting at.

Recently, you and Terushima had grown closer after that fateful encounter a couple of weeks ago. He knew that you were still somewhat hung-up on your ex, so he was trying his best to help you get out of your rut. 

Although he showed that he was capable of being a good friend, he was still a little too unreliable for your taste. Whenever his friends were around, or there were other people in the vicinity— he slipped back into ‘tough guy’ mode; showing off, acting out and being completely insufferable. And for what? The respect of his peers? It was rather frustrating, to say the least. 

“Skipping class?” He raised an eyebrow, “Not like you, goody two-shoes.”   
  
You rolled your eyes, “If you must know, my professor cancelled today. So, im waiting for Yachi and Mai. We’re gonna go grab a coffee.” 

You noticed how he perked up at the mention of Yachi Hitoka. 

“Can I—“

”No.” You said firmly, scrolling through your text messages. Yachi was going to head over soon.  
  
Terushima and Yachi’s relationship was getting a little better. From an outsiders perspective, it was a little confusing. Yachi was trying to play coy, but she most definitely wasn’t fooling you. It was clear that Terushima was annoyingly worming his way into her life—to the point where the attraction wasn’t so one sided anymore. You’d have to tease her about it later. 

“You’re such a bitch.” He stuck his lip out and pouted like a child. 

“Watch it.” You snapped your head around to glare at him. “Or else I’ll tell Yachi how much better she could do.” You elbowed him in his side, just for good measure. 

He doubled over in pain, scooting away from you to the very edge of the bench. 

“Ow, ow, okay.” He cradled his ribs, “I already have a bruise there, you know. I took a slam during practice yesterday.” 

You snorted. 

“Not funny.” 

“How is it going?” You knew that Terushima was really into his sports, specifically volleyball. It seemed to be something that he was actually really devoted to. It was surprising, in all honesty. 

His sour expression fell immediately and he fell into his usual pattern of cheerily talking your ear off. 

“We’ve got a practice match with another team in a couple of days. Then we’re gonna try our hand at some of the upcoming preliminary matches. I’m not gonna’ lie, I’m feeling pretty good about our team.” He grinned smugly, a fiery passion in his eyes. 

You simply smiled back at him. Surprised, but welcoming his determination.   
  
“Oh yeah, I forgot to say.” 

You raised an eyebrow, urging him to go on.

”Before we all start knuckling down for these upcoming games, some of the teams are having a little party tomorrow- a kinda last hurrah before we have to get our shit together.” 

You already knew where this was going. Terushima picked up on your reluctance.

”Hold on, hold on. Before you shut me down, at least hear me out.” He held his hands up in mock surrender.

“I just—“

”Come on, (Y/N). We’re all going to a nightclub somewhere downtown. It will be fun, I promise. You need to relax, sweetheart, you’ve been all strung up since...”   
  
His sentence tapered off into silence. You clenched your jaw harshly, a painful fluttering in your stomach. 

“Sorry, sorry, my bad.” He sighed and dragged his hand down his face. “I just...I would just really like you to be there.”

You let out a heavy sigh of your own, sinking back into the bench. You really didn’t want to go. Terushima was alright, but a bunch of testosterone fuelled jocks didn’t sit right with you. Not to mention the intoxicated sleazes that were bound to be present at a nightclub.

He was looking at you from the side of his eye, trying not to show how overly hopeful he was. 

You let out another hulking sigh. “Fine.” 

He pulled you into a crushing side hug. He cried out, way too enthusiastically, and peppered fake air kisses all over your face. 

You were giggling with laughter, trying to shove him off when someone cleared their throat exaggeratedly.   
  
“Fuckin hell, Yuuji, this one as well. I thought you called dibs on the cute blonde.”

A gruff, harsh voice. You looked up into the face of a leering man—someone you vaguely recognised as you had seen him hanging around Terushima before. He was tall, intimidating and muscular with a rather small head, if you were being honest. It made him look disproportionate, and even more off putting than he already was. 

Terushima Yuuji’s face hardened as he withdrew his arms from around you. The soft edges of playful laughter fizzled out and you watched as he put on his mask once more—shrinking back into that person that you hated to be around.

He grinned, his wolfish grin, yet it wasn’t the one you were familiar with. It was his predatory one, the arrogant and overbearing smile that he gave you when you first met. 

Whistles and chuckles struck up around you as a bunch of other guys, around five or six more, encircled the two of you. Terushima’s friends? Acquaintances? Fuck, who knew? But, it was intimidating as hell. You wriggled uncomfortably in your seat, eyes diverting from the pinheaded guys face.

”Nah, she’s just a friend.” Even Yuuji’s voice sounded different. His eyes fell on you, “but we could be a little bit more, if you know what I’m saying?” 

Your face grew hot at his uncomfortable joke. Even more so, as the group fell into bellowing laughter around you. 

“Nah, you want a real man, don’t you, baby?” Pinheaded guy purred, licking his lips as he hungrily looked you up and down. 

Your mouth curled upwards in disgust as they all began laughing again. You looked at Terushima, in disbelief, as he forced a stale laugh himself. He was clearly in an awkward position. Stuck in an ultimatum of sticking with his own peers or defending you. 

You opened your mouth to tell this Pinhead that, even if he was the last man on earth, you wouldn’t go near him within a 10 metre radius. However, someone else interjected.

”Come off it, dude. You don’t stand a chance.” 

It was Daishou Suguru. Another friend of Yuuji’s that you recognised. And while he was definitely correct, there was an underlying suggestiveness in that statement; _You don’t stand a chance, but I most definitely do._

He was handsome and striking, with his slick hair that covered half his face and his intense, mysterious eyes. But there was something sinister about him too, like he was biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. It made you apprehensive whenever he was near.   
  
You were once again, reminded about the reason why you kept your distance from guys like this. They all leered over you, eyeing you like a piece of meat.   
  
You noticed that Pinhead was uncomfortably closer. His massive build obscuring the sunlight, and casting a shadow over you. 

“Tell him, sweetheart.” His hand hovered over his clothed groin, he gave himself a playful squeeze and winked salaciously at you. “You know that you deserve someone who can _treat_ you right.” 

A third bout of suffocating hooting. Your body burned with humiliation, and you glared defiantly up at the vile man, hoping he could see just how disgusted you were. 

They were like hyenas, hungry and villainous, and you were most definitely the prey. Something for them to slobber over. You weren’t a person, you were an objective for them. 

Terushima wasn’t laughing anymore, and while he was actively avoiding your gaze, his silence spoke volumes.   
  
You stood up abruptly. You slung your bag over your shoulders and took a step forward. Involuntarily, pinhead took a step back. 

“First of all, I’m not your sweetheart.” A chorus of ‘oohs’ sounded all around you, “Secondly, I would rather be dead then let someone like _you_ ,” You gestured using air quotes, “ _treat me right_ , as you happened to put it.”

Pinhead blinked in silent shock, while his friends wolf whistled and guffawed in the background. You side-stepped around him, ignoring Daishou’s shit-eating grin.

“Do I really look that desperate? I mean, come on!” You hissed one final time, as you walked away. 

You glanced over your shoulder, “Later, Terushima.” You called, voice dripping with irritation at his passiveness.

You quickly walked away, grateful to be leaving that interaction. You pulled out your phone, getting ready to send a heated text to your friends. Light footsteps echoed behind you, someone jogging to catch up to you as you stomped off. 

You turned the corner hoping he’d take the hint. He was still hot on your trail, despite your efforts to increase your pace.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay.” 

“Oh, fuck off, Terushima!” 

You whipped around, glaring at his slender form. His eyes widened, taken aback by your outburst. He swallowed hard and licked his lips, trying desperately to think of what to say. 

“I’ve said this before, but if those are the types of people you call your friends,” your eyes drifted to his face, “maybe I was right about you before.”

”I just—I didn’t know what to say. He was saying some uncomfortable shit and...I’m sorry. That was wrong of him but those aren’t my friends. I mean... well, some are. Daishou, I’m cool with, but that other guy is a creep.”

“It’s whatever.” You muttered, silencing him. “I’ll see you around.”

”Y/N, I really appreciate your friendship.” His voice had taken a pleading tone, “I know I shouldn’t have let him talk to you like that, and I’m really sorry. It’s why I chased after you just now.” 

You folded your arms over your chest, unconvinced. He continued, 

“You’re the first person that I actually feel like myself with, (Y/N). Please, I’m sorry.”

You felt your anger evaporate. You couldn’t let yourself get too mad at him, this was pretty common place by now. It didn’t make it any less frustrating though.

”Yuuji, stop punishing yourself.” You let out a sigh and massaged your temples, “You’re the only one who’s stopping yourself from being you. Let go, Yuuji. Be yourself. I promise you that you’ll be so much happier.”

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, taking in your words. “You’re right. I’m trying, you know. It’s hard but I’ve begun distancing myself from some of those guys, anyway.”

”Good. You should.” 

An awkward silence fell among you. 

“So are we good?”

You rolled your eyes. Then broke out into a reserved smile. 

“We’re good.” You confirmed with a nod. 

He let out a sigh of relief and pulled you into a brief side hug. “I gotta go, I’m gonna just meet Mai and Yachi directly at the coffee shop.”

”We still on for tomorrow?”

You patted his shoulder softly, “Yup.” You waved him goodbye and set off.

”You have to bring Yachi too.” He called after you. 

“Sure!”

”Wear something sexy!” That last remark was practically screeched, his hands cupping his mouth.

You glared at him over your shoulder as you continued walking away. He wiggled an eyebrow suggestively.

You inwardly debated sprinting away from him. 

* * *

”I might move out, yanno.” 

The honey chicken toppled from Daichi’s chopsticks, his gaping mouth now left empty as he stared, wide-eyed at his roomate. 

There was a beat of silence in the living room. The cheering of the TV show compensating for the quiet. The greasy smell of takeout wafted all around the room, mingling in with the ever-present, lingering scent of weed—No matter how many incense sticks, you couldn’t get rid of it. Sugawara Koushi stabbed his own utensil into his takeout box, pushing the noodles around absentmindedly. 

“What?” He shrugged, taking in Daichi’s bewildered expression. 

“When?” 

“Not sure yet, maybe within the next few months or I can wait until next year.”

“And you’re only telling me this now!” Daichi exploded, he slammed his food down on to the coffee table in front of him, now sitting upright in the oversized couch. 

“Chill out, dude! Nothing is final, I’m just thinking about it.”

Daichi raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Is this because of Y/N?” 

Sugawara’s face twisted. “No!” He yelled, a little louder than he intended to. 

Yes, it was. But Daichi didn’t need to know that. 

“My degree is offering some industry placements and my professor is willing to recommend me for them. Not everything has to be about her, you know.” He wasn’t sure who he was convincing, Daichi or himself?

It was true. His course teacher had informed him about the prospects of completing his degree and having a work placement. However, he wasn’t all that interested initially.

But now. Well, current times were different.

When he had spoken to Y/N last, he had desperately mentioned moving away, only being half serious when he did. It was out of pure, selfish reasons alone. Embarrassingly, a small part of him—well, a rather large part, actually— had hoped that it would have scared you into running back to him, the realisation that he would be leaving forcing you to admit just how much you couldn’t live without him.

His heart broke again as he recalled your final words to him. _Goodbye Sugawara Koushi._

The fact was, that, _you_ could live without him. And to him, that just wasn’t fair. 

Because although your romance was brief, his love for you had remained unwavering all these years. And your absence, once again, forced him to realise that _he_ was the one thatcouldn’t live without you. 

Daichi was studying his face, trying to gauge his thoughts. He was a little annoyed, to say the least, but if this is what Sugawara wanted then who was he to stand in the way? 

“So you’re serious about this, then?” 

Suga’s shoulders sagged as he let out a sigh. He pushed his barely touched food aside and sank into the chair, deep in thought. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

“So what about this place?”

”Your name’s on the lease. I just pay the rent—you can find someone else easily.” 

“Dumbass. I ain’t talking about the apartment. I’m talking about everything else.” Daichi’s voice had taken on that stern tone. That booming, authoritarian quality that commanded you listened to him. “Your friends, your life...your girl.” That last part was said a little softly. 

“I don’t have a-“ Suga snapped defiantly before being cut off.

“Stop playing dumb, Sugawara!” 

His mouth snapped shut. Daichi’s arms were folded over his chest as he glared at him. “I know you, dude. I know what you’re like. You do everything at the expense of your own wellbeing, you’re selfless and I kind of respect you for that.” 

Sugawara felt trapped in the conversation. He had seen this serious side of Daichi before, but he had never been lectured by him like this. His hazel eyes flitted to the floor as he listened. 

“But when things get tough, you back down. You have everything going for you but as soon as it doesn’t go your way, you tuck your tail and run. Now I’m not here to judge. I know that I have my own imperfections but I own them, Kou. Stop being a fucking coward, and get your shit together.” 

“Fuck you!” Koushi spat, hurt by his honesty, despite knowing that everything he was saying was true. “I—This...”

”Look me in the eyes, Koushi and tell me that moving away is what you really want!”

He wanted to scream it. This is what he, and he alone, wanted. He wanted to prove that no one else had spurred on this decision. But that would be a complete lie, wouldn’t it. 

Yet this burning desire for something new—it had lay dormant for so long, and tragic as it may seem, the breakup was exactly what he needed in order to awaken it. He was going to change. He chanted it like a mantra, a strange power now brewing within him. Despite all the sorrow, heartbreak and anger; he would do this. He would come out anew. He would become that man his late mother knew he always could be. 

“It’s what I want, Daichi.” He declared it like he was reading a speech. Certainty dripping from his words, and though built on shaky foundations—he knew that moving forward he would let change be his mentor.

Brown eyes surveyed his hazel ones, taking him in and scrutinising him silently. He raised a lone brow, slowly, up and up. Then a smirk seeped into his face. 

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”   
  
Sugawara smiled too then. Daichi was flawed. He was loud, righteous, smoked too much, and was annoyingly good at giving advice. 

Yet, upon moving here, he hadn’t found anyone else who he regarded as a better friend. 

“Aw man, I’m gonna’ miss having a helping hand around here. I know my cousin liked you.” He ran a hand through his short-cropped hair.

“You can always get Noya to give you a hand.”

They both snorted at that.

Daichi grabbed a pack of cigarettes from the table and tilted his head to the left in a stretch, “come smoke.” 

It was a statement more than a question.

Sugawara wasn’t that big on cigarettes. In fact, he could probably count on his fingers how many cigarettes he smoked in his lifetime. However, right now there was a heaviness in him that was clouding his mind, so he said, fuck it, and pushed himself out of his chair. 

So he followed him as he stepped out into the tiny balcony area, the two of them leaning on the metal railing. There was a slight breeze as the city passed noisily by, muffling the click clack of the lighter. They inhaled simultaneously and silently.

“Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary feelings.”

The wind blew silvery hair in his face as he inhaled then exhaled deeply, eddies of smoke drifting out of his mouth and up into the night sky. He closed his eyes and took in his friends words. 

“And don’t worry about her. I got a feeling that you and Y/N are endgame.”   
  
Daichi took a final drag, gave him a smoky grin and flicked the remains of his cigarette off the balcony edge before darting inside. 

Suga remained outside. 

“Endgame, huh?”


End file.
